A few of my ramblings about life, love and the pursuit of happyness!

Blanketed in His Love-Please read

2010-10-09T14:13:00.002-05:00

This description is from my Facebook page, please join and follow the progress! It is under Blanketed in His Love. Otherwise just please pass it on to all your contacts! Thanks! :) <3

1 Chronicles 29:9
Then the people rejoiced because they had offered so willingly, for they made their offering to the Lord with a whole heart, and King David also rejoiced greatly.

My name is Tina Whitehouse and it has been laid on my heart that I should start this project. I am calling it "Blanketed in His Love." I want this to be a huge success to show that we as the body of Christ will, even when times are hard, help one another. I am asking for donations of gently used or new blankets, coats, scarves, hats, gloves, sweatshirts/hoodies, and ear muffs.

I am collecting for Cunningham Children's Home in Champaign IL (http://www.cunninghamhome.org/), Home Sweet Home Mission in Bloomington IL (http://www.hshministries.org/), and The Clare House in Bloomington IL.

The date I am anticipating delivery is October 23rd. So donations need to be given by October 22nd. Donations can be accepted at my home - 117 Pine St Gibson City IL. You may contact me via email if arrangements need to be made at kyntt99@yahoo.com.

It is my mission to blanket (cover them) with their needs all year long. However it is getting colder by the day. I cannot stand the thought of anyone being cold or hungry. If our kids are cold we just turn the heat up a few degrees, that is not possible for them. Our kids can just grab something to eat whenever they are hungry, they can't. Please help me to "blanket" God's people with love, warmth, and a full tummy.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON, TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW, JUST GET THE WORD OUT!!

Even one blanket, coat, pair of gloves or ear muffs, sweatshirt, scarf, or blanket can keep a person warm. Please consider donating an item of food with your gift of warmth. The Home Sweet Home Mission alone fed over 8,400 people in August. That amount of people does not include the soup kitchen provided by Clare House at St Mary's Church in Bloomington or the weekly bags of food they give away.

Imagine if each Facebook user gave one blanket, hat, scarf, pair of gloves, coat, or a sweatshirt/hoodie, and an item of food. Imagine all the warm people. Imagine the less amount of hungry kids. Imagine the possibilities each month that I ask you to help me change the world...35 miles away.

You can get a list of needs on their websites that I have given above.

Thank you in advance for your love, generosity, and commitment of helping.

3 weeks ago

2010-03-18T14:23:00.000-05:00

3 weeks ago, it happened

3 weeks ago, tomorrow to be exact

3 weeks ago...

a piece of my heart left

i stopped setting the table for four

i stopped hearing the singing in shower

i stopped fighting about homework

i stopped getting screamed at

i stopped getting the precious letters of apology

i stopped giving words of wisdom at bedtime

i stopped tucking her in

i stopped being upset about the messy bedroom

i stopped having to repeat myself over and over and over and over

i stopped having to answer those "embarrassing" questions

i stopped hearing her giggle

i stopped being jumpy waiting for her to scare me-again

i stopped hearing her amazing singing in the truck

i stopped seeing their dance videos they made while we were gone

i stopped being able to hug her ---

wishing the pain away while doing it

i stopped being able to tease her about boys-seeing

her cheeks turn red

i stopped being able to smell her perfume

i stopped being able to tell her

"that is enough hairspray" every morning

i started being able to pray for her more amd more

i started to realize even more how precious time is

i had to learn the hard rule --

"if you love them, you have to let them go"

i had to learn to love from far away

i still get out 4 plates (and put one back)

i still smell her secret crush shower gel her coconut shampoo-it's still in the shower

i watch the videos of her singing and

dancing with an ache in my heart

i wish love was enough

i wonder if she feels my love

i wonder if she only remembers the yelling between us

i will love her for the rest of my life

i wonder - does she hear me saying "i love you schmoopy"

on her way out the door

i pray for her more and more

3 weeks ago, it happened

3 weeks ago, tomorrow to be exact

3 weeks ago...

a piece of my heart left

Been gone for awhile and have a new camera! Look out pic posts!

2010-02-14T16:31:00.000-06:00

Zeus

Chili

Kyle laying on the dead spot at the church superbowl party. It was a tricky track on a little bike.

I was messing with the new camera, but i really like this pic!

Kyle was painting M's room and he was doing some graffiti...

A picture of Kyle giving his first "message!" Thanks to the pic taker! He is becoming a Pastor!

and last but not least, this is me when i was a kid!!

Hello, it's me again!

2010-02-14T16:17:00.000-06:00

You are looking at the ingredients of an award winningsandwich - for real!

It is ciabata (sp) bread, pepper jack cheese, delicious ham lunch meat, a big pepperoni, a slice of bacon, shredded lettuce, green and red pepper rings, tomato, pepperoncini shreds, red onion rings, and a decent squirt of zesty italian dressing!

All done except the top!

Finished product! Delicioso!!

The best part is that the money we won from this sandwich we gave back to our youth group and we are going to buy silicone bracelets to sell as a fundraiser!! Food with a purpose, what could be better?? Besides a granny cake to go with it! Never buy one if you haven't eaten it before--they are wonderfully addictive. Don't say i didn't warn you!

Random Questions Answered Again

2010-01-06T12:16:00.000-06:00

Random questions answered

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? became a foster mom

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? never made any, this year i will make goals...have made a few and already can't stick with them....darn this ADD...lol

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?no one close to me, but a girl from church did

4. Did anyone close to you die? not close to me, but i felt the pain from a friend who seems to be dealing with it all too much

5. What countries did you visit?none...and i don't plan on it

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

i am blessed to have all that i do...maybe a little more strength to help me when my feelings get hurt

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? may 9, our oldest came and aug 4th our youngest came

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? there is not a giant list of major accomplishments...nothing major

9. What was your biggest failure? i don't think failure is a fair word. there are many things i could have worked on harder

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? thankfully no

11. What was the best thing you bought? stuff for the girls...things that made them feel really good and that they deserve

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

14. Where did most of your money go? bills and groceries

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? our kids, doing things for God

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? too many to count

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) poorer or richer? i am happier the same weight (unfortunately) and not any richer, but not poorer either

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? exercise, study the Bible, writing letter to Jason

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?eating, procastinating

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas eve at the mom-n-laws with the fam. Christmas day at my house with my mom and sister with her two kids and a long time fam friend. watching the girls open presents yelling and ripping like mad...feeling the love from everyone..enjoying the feeling of having kids in the house for the first time on Christmas

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? many times

22. What was your favorite TV program? i really enjoy the tv not being on but the shows i like are criminal minds, NCIS, and movies

23. What was the best book you read? the Bible..still have tons and tons to learn

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? wbgl

25. What did you want and get? kids

26. What did you want and not get? more and more kids

27. What was your favorite film of this year? the blindside

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 37 and we had church. both the girls went. m and kayla c got up and sang happy birthday to me and m told everyone about her love for me. it was a great day.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? nothing

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? getting better, but the pj's and tshirts rock while im at home

31. What kept you sane? God and my husband

32. Who did you miss? my dad

33. Who was the best new person you met? everyone from church

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

everything that happens to you results in some sort of behavior or feeling and the way you react to others. at all ages. including 37.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. these are not quoting the year, but songs that have helped me in the year

By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

Promise of a lifetime by Kutless

I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
Im feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge you made to me

Chorus
I know youre always there
To my every prayer inside
Im clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow
Through the change
I still remember the pledge you made to me

I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
And I am comforted

Rush Of Fools - Undo Lyrics

I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You�re the only one who can undo
What I've become

I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You�re the only one who can undo
What I've become

Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You�re the only one who can undo
What I've become

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2009-11-26T07:09:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!! May you have all the food your tummy can fit, all the love your heart can hold, all the hugs your arms can handle. and remember that we are thankful for you! God Bless!! Love, Kyle and Tina, B, and M :)

toads, veggies, school, and sleeping

2009-08-11T21:50:00.003-05:00

Behold---the old beverage cooler that used to hold "adult beverages" for several people now contains toads, crickets, and grass!!! Yep you guessed it...the youngest, M, as we were tearing down the rest of the plants in the garden was catching everything she could find.

This is Zeus walking around with bird feathers on his nose as he was vacuuming up the bird food...lol

here are the contents of the beverage cooler...

see anything that doesn't belong?

our wonderful 11 punkins from our one plant that took over the neighbor's yard.

Zeus snuggling with kyle

chili was sleeping leaning on kyle's head...

enough of the pics. on to everything else. we now have two kiddies!! woot woot!!! it is awesome. it is amazing how fast the heart can love. she is totally different thatn b, but the same. they get along wonderfully. i'm hooked. wish we had room for sooo many more.

the garden is all done except for 2 jalapeno plants, 1 green pepper plant, and 1/2 of the cherry tomato plant. only a little sad it's over this time.

can you believe it, i got to register kids for school!! woot, woot!! i got to go school shopping!! it was an amazing feeling. they said it was like Christmas. it is such an amazing feeling. i love having them here. i love the smiles, the hugs, and i can't even begin to describe the feeling of being called "mom." it is indescribable. brings tears to my eyes a lot. and i can only thank God for the gifts. and His plan.

we just got back from swimming at aunt carla's. i love swimming. and there was only 8 of us in the pool tonight!! we have all of tonda's kiddies tonight also. i want this many kids all the time!!!!!!!!!! so does kyle. actually we want 8-10.

we have had something going on every night this week and up until wednesday of next week we have something going on!! busy, busy!!

k, well, best get off here. i am not spending near as much time on this thing as i used too!! hope you all have a great, wonderful, fantastic, loving night.

been awhile

2009-08-03T08:38:00.002-05:00

realized it has been a month since i have blogged. man time flies. i think, oh i'll do it tomorrow, then i never do. so here is blog to let you know that i do still exist. k, great, have a nice day. i'll write more in a day or two........

sad and ashamed

2009-06-30T21:10:00.004-05:00

i am so ashamed of myself.
why did i not tell her?
how could i not think that it would surface?
she has all the right in the world to be mad at me.
for a long long time.
does she believe me?
no.
will she forgive me?
prob not.
but i hope so.
i am mad at me.
why didn't i just tell her?
it is not easy to look at her beautiful blue eyes and see the love she has and say what i needed to say.
it made me sick to even think of it.
i put myself in this situation.
i could have removed me.
but i didn't.
the choices you make today, you live with tomorrow.
that is ever so true.
it has been more than a year since acting like i have no care in the world.
and today, reality slapped me in the face.
unexpectedly.
and why would she believe me after the way i did act sometimes?
and reality slapped really hard.
i love her.
i love her dearly.
i may have lost her for good.
and i at least deserve it - for awhile.
what i promised i would not do, i did.
i let someone else be the last to know something.
i am sad.
so sad.
sickenly sad.
she must feel so alone.
so upset
mind racing a 1000 miles an hour...
words cannot express what she is feeling right now.
her heart actually feeling the pain from the hurt.
there is nothing worse than that hurt.
why didn't i just tell her?
why could i have not just told her?
the pain would not have been as bad as it is now.
bad, but not near as bad.
it just hurt me so bad to have to hurt her.
but i should have accepted the responsibility and just told her.
now i have to live with that.
i hope she forgives me.
even if her life stays the same, i hope she can forgive me.
i love her.
i love her dearly.
sad i was involved in hurting her.
the worst she has ever been hurt.
i am so ashamed and sad......

the bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.

2009-06-29T13:09:00.002-05:00

the bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.

that is what i wrote in a card for B. from kyle and I. it is truly from the heart. the pain that she is really starting to feel is overwhelming. we will always be here for her. always.
********************************************************************************************
man what about this weather!!! it is soooo beautiful!!!! it could bot be any better...at all. woot woot. gonna go for a ride in a bit. have a shirt to return, some things to mail, have to go to the church. and the best part is that by the time i am done it should be like 6 miles or so, amybe more. it has been too hot to ride, but it is great right now.
********************************************************************************************
saturday was our family reunion. it was at miller park in bloomington. they have a zoo, putt putt golf, palyground, and a sprnkler park (which is free). our intentions were to do them all. not a chance. we (b and i) ended up in the sprinkler park with the kiddies. it is soo neat. and free. definitely gonna go back a few more time before school starts. cheap fun for all ages. being with the family rocked also. it is technically kyles family, but thanks goodness i am blessed with them also. it is great that they/we get together 2x a year. love them, love them, love them!!! and then a few cam to our house yesterday and took us to supper...so awesome.
*****************************************************************************************
so...man not much else to say!! getting off here...no really i am. i hate that this computer hogs in about a 3rd of my day. (hi my name is tina, and i am addicted to the internet) i look up everything and anything that i may be curious about. i daydream about vacations. listen to music. always finding a reason.

hope you have a fantastic, wonderful, amazing, beautiful day!! peace out!!

friday, friday, friday....

2009-06-19T11:57:00.003-05:00

hi there. how are ya. great, great...glad to hear it. my OCD ridden mind is running 40 miles an hour. i am supposed to be doing my homework for my health class (that is due today or i am kicked out of the class) and i started it YESTERDAY! slacker? who? me? nahhhhh. did i mention it was actually due in january. lol....see why i can not will not take online classes...it would not work. so as soon as i am done with this, i am on to the homework!!

so last night was our second night helping youth group. it so rocks. we gave them a challenge of doing something nice for someone whith out getting anything in return. we are starting small. building up to much bigger things. then we had an activity, which is the part we do. we set up a corn pot filled with candy, all kinds of change, wrinkled up paper and and 1$ bills, and a bill for 10.00$, herein called the bucket of life. the kids had to go to the bucket of life and take one thing at a time, go back to their seat and drop it off, then could return for more. if you were in contact with you seat you got to keep what you had if not you lost everything you had. we did for 30seconds, then 25 seconds thten we didn't tell them how much time they had. such as life. the name of the game was called greed. then kyle gave a little speech about greed and pastor lee chimed in with greater detail. they really enjoyed it. and they actually learned something. it was awesome. we are gonna have new activities each week. then in august we are gonna have a back to school bash with all kinds of fun stuff...can't wait. hoping to make a difference in somepne's life. and hoping they will walk closer to God.

next weel also starts our 40 days of love small group for 6 weeks at church. can't wait. it is for anyone married, single, divorced,etc. to not only love better, but be loveable. i am excited. a friend that doesnt even go to our church is coming. and i am soooo excited that in jule her and i are gonna get together and do the discussion ?'s in the upper room devotional...that will be so cool.

can you believe the church bulletin has been done since tuesday? i know, right? i feel like i haven't even done it, it has been done so long.

father's day on Sunday. love my guy. he is amazing. he not only loves his daughter, but has helped raise my nieces and foster another one. he never asks for anything and loves them completely. all of them. and not only that, but being there for our other nieces and nephews when needed. he ROCKS!!! wish i could give him something awesome. something like a nascar ticket!! a few days vacation somewhere...something he deserves. but at the same time...he is content. which i love about him. i love the journey we have shared/are sharing. we will have many more chapters to our book. i am soooooo excited about the future.

again it is killing me that i cannot talk about the other person in our house. she is such a giant wonderful part of our lives. but...can't say anything...we had a nice wonderful long talk today. i just love her.

i really am sorry that a friend of mine is in pain.

i really need to do my homework.

i really need to do the dishes(that i have started twice)

i really want to go somewhere

I really DO NOT LIKE SUMMER!!!

i really need to plant the flowers my wonderful mom-n-law bought for me..

wheewww...i could go on for days....

but better get off here and stop singing to grease and get my homework done...

(you better shape up cause i need a man and my heart is set on you, youre the one that i want...hoo, hoo, hoooo...the one i need, oh yes indeed)

hooo, hooo, hoooo

lol, peace out!!

(we'll always be together, always together, we'll always be together)

yep...me again....

2009-06-17T07:25:00.002-05:00

Good morning everyone. hope your morning is going well. it is 7:25 and i have had enuff on my mind already for an entire day and only been up for one hour. I have discovered new bruises from the let's stretch just a little more falling off the ladder incident. Funny now not so muc then. i am onmy way back out to the church for another day of pressure washing. and what a good day to pick, it is gonna be 90 degress---just kill me. i am ready for snow again. i dislike summer very much!! but if i have to be outside, soaked by cold water is hwere i need to be!!

we have a car show at our church on saturday!! everyone should come. it is free to get in and have a few kiddie things there also, and of course food! my jobs are from 11-1 watch the obstacle course (quit ur laughing momma b and hubby) and then from 1-3 ride on the hayrack with the kiddies. woot, woot...ASIDE FROM THE HEAT, i am excited. should be a good day!!

not much going on this day, so i am gonna head out on the ole bikester in a bit to the church!! hope you have a magnificent wonderful fantastic amazing day!! God bless!!

some cool pics and the runaway dog

2009-06-12T11:55:00.005-05:00

Here are some pics that I did on the photofunia site. It is really, really, awesome.

the mighty running dog , see the below story(not the best pic of him, but will work)

a beautiful, beautiful sweet little girl (sorry I don't have any newer pics of the other kids) but when i do look out...i have an idea....

amazing beauty

so very awesome!!!

one of my newphews

this one kills me..but it is neat

my other nephew

one of my beautiful nieces

miss heaven marie

chili chili cheese fries

sweet cass

miss dis...love this pic of her

AND THE AMAZING RUNAWAY DOG!!

ok--let me set the scene for you...we are outside one day last week (the hottest one) cleaning the truck inside and out. all the doors are open matts out, using the vacuum to do the carpets. cleaning away. music playing, aaahhhhh life is good. and then she tells me that zeus is loose. WHAT!!?!?!?!!??? he is sooo fast and would never ever come back on his own. WWHHAATTT??!?!?!!! i throw the window cleaner and paper towels while on the run. me, running? hahahahah-joke in iteself. i am springing after him..he doesn't even look back. he is running towards his girlfriend accross the alley. i'm think great, he loves her-he'll stop. no chance. i am screaming "zeus heres your girlfriend(which by the way he knows who we men when we say that) he ran right by her!! he nEVER ever leaves his g/f behind...mind u chili is now chasing me chasing zeus. i tell her to get chili as he is trying to eat zeus' g/f. zeus is running and running, by this time i am screaming, crying his name. tears are rolling i know he is never coming back. i am running through yards, bushes, crying his name and running through bushes...it was awful. mind you i am a chunky girl...i do not run...knees just may blow out!! i love to ride, walk, but run noooooo way. we are almost to rt 47 by now!!! i knew and could see it play over and over in my mind him being squished by a semi. i was hysterical by theis point!! It was by the Grace of God that he stopped. after peeing on everything he could he stopped to tri it again and i was on him...he cowered down and i scooped him up...next thought is "man i am gonna pass out. i see little white spots and green spots..dizzy. goona fall. DON"T FALL YOU FOOL HE"LL GET AWAY!!! and all you ran was for nothing. don't do it, ok, coming back from that..whhheewww" first was relief he was caught then i wanted to killl him. we come in i get sat down-before i fell down..he curls up on the couch in a little ball and takes a nap. little did he know, i still had to finish the truck and wash it yet and clean the rest of the house and ride 4 miles--while he slept!! i ran what felt like a 5k in 10 miutes and he is sleeping!!!
good think i love him.

So last night was our first night witht he youth group. i have so many ideas, it should be quite the adventure with all the kids. i will be telling more as it goes and the adventures we have done.

well, getting off here for now, have a great day!!

Boring

2009-06-11T09:36:00.003-05:00

Well, i have come to the conclusion that my blog is soooo stinkin boring, it kills me to read it. No seriously...it is awful. I need to pep it up. My life is a little simple, but man this blog could put the happiest of people to sleep....gonna dig deep and bring me out again(by the advice of a friend).

After searching through the blogs looking for more reads, that is when i really noticed it. wheew..what kept you here?

I find some of the blogs i read absolutely amazing. The pain, the sadness, the love, the faith, and even the anger that some people feel. i want to write like that. at least a little like that. the one thing i have to talk about mostly, i cannot talk about for confidentiality reasons...and it kills me. but i have to keep it hush hush. but there are many, many emotions i would love to get out...i just can't right now. which leads to a boring blog.

what i have to say is nothing compared to the pain and feelings some people have to say. my daily routine is blah, blah, blah...boring.

it is amazing to me how the heart can ache and tears can flow for someone you haven't even met. but they do. my heart is bleeding for brokenwon. there is a lady who has something to say!! she is amazing. along with mckmomma. her faith is amazing, amazing, amazing...

a friend of mine is coming in a bit to teach the kid how to crochet. better her than me. now way. while she is doing that, i am gonna work on my health class homework that was due in january. just a few days late, huh? lol...thank goodness for a patient instructor...whoops.

i really rreally want to go grocery shopping tonight. oh,wait forgot it ws thursday..tonight is our first night helping with the youth group. kyle is very, very excited. i am nervous, but excited. i find it scary that i could possibly be a person that makes an influence in someone's life. i just don't want to say the wrong thing. you know, just that wierd, nervous, never dont it before feeling. we have some awesome things planned out. i'll have to let you know as it goes along. maybe that will help this boring blog huh? k, great, may you have a blessed day!!! peace out.....

Amazing love...

2009-06-06T09:08:00.003-05:00

These are some pics of the amazing sky we seen on May 30th at our church bonfire. It went from sunny to puring back to sunny to major downpour with hail back to sunny and awesome. It was amazing....Wow is He majestic...

this cloud was soooo white compared to the rest..it was really awesome!!

Heaven and Cass...it is actually 2 towels...it was neat how it matched up. Miss them so much!!

Woot Woot!! I pulled 55 radishes from the garden this morning...can't wait for the rest of the stuff to be ready.

what a difference a day makes....

2009-06-03T21:49:00.003-05:00

what a difference a day makes
Sunday..all is normal
monday one is gone
tuesday going about your daily routine
wednesday...packing
thursday another is gone.
one day
all is different
the hugs
the smiles
the extremely long bike train
the endless chatter at the table for supper
the rushing in the morning
the tucking in bed at night
the tickling
the i love you's
all gone
what a difference a day can make
will they be ok?
no more practicing math and reading
no more giggles
very sad
very worried
piece of my heart going with them
feeling very empty inside
frustrating to not have any control
we'll be here always
til the next time
there will be a next time
there always is
what a difference a day can make.....

thinking

2009-05-20T14:14:00.002-05:00

hhmmmm....ssiighhhh..hhmmmmm???
why? have you ever tried to figure someone out?
to try and find some clarification?
hhmmmm...what if that person is related?
by blood...
and all you want is peace...
i hate chaos
why do some people love it
really? i am asking....
hhmmmmmm
a person that you thought you knew in and out?
a person that has shared mos of life's experiences with you
i just dont get it...
it is not chemically possible for me to not understand something
ssiigghhhhh
ok, guess that is it.... just
trying to figure something out....
glad we have had this talk
thanks
bye

whew.....

2009-05-14T07:55:00.002-05:00

howdy hoo!!! how is life? great, great, glad to hear it!! been lost in "no time for the computer" land. which is kinda nice in a way. i don't feel as tho i waste my days. we have another girl living in our house. all i can really say is she is 17 (but functions at a much lower level). she is wonderful.. We are so glad she is here. sorry for the trauma she has been thru, but nonetheless, glad she is here. hoping and praying that we can make a difference.

so now there are three school different school schedules!! good thing the calendar is my best friend. tina is my name, planning is my game..lol... so along with the people coming here for heaven, our workers coming, now we have her workers coming and other people for her. i think we need one of those revolving doors...no kidding. just come and go as you need to. adults of course, not the kiddies.

just been getting the routine under way. they all 3 need and must have routines to survive. and of course meee tooo!!

our house from empty to full. real fast. now i see why papi wants 7 or 8. i can totally see it. so on that note. the chore chart is being completed really soon!! (it has to be written for them to follow-and me too) .

and i am still doing the church bulletin and such. which i love that also.

kyle is off work tomorrow...appt's out the ying yang. starting at 8:30am. and groceries. have i mentioned that we now have 3 kids...whew, my list has grown considerably. which I AM NOT COMPLAINING, just stating. life has changed so much for us. and it ROCKS!!! the pain and frustrations sometimes overwhelm me but, it is so worth it. or will be. guess cass is going home the day school is out. supposedly, but that could change at anytime also.

well off to bloomington soon with the mom-n-law for her dr appt. so, that is what i ahve been up too!! i see the others of you have had some awesome experiences at work, no sleep from the storms, projects being completed, and sick kids and hubbies. such is life huh? well, miss you all and talk to you soon!!!

Thanks...

2009-05-12T11:12:00.002-05:00

A special thanks so some wonderful, caring ladies and a gentlemen for helping make a certain young ladies birthday go off without a hitch. There is a great pic I will shoe you later of her and the gloves and hat. She loves them. She said thanks. She loves them all!! I believe she was wearing the necklace today. The painting ROCKS!! It is awesome. Everyone in the house loved it (Cindy, Tonda, Carla, Jim, Mandy)!!! Again--thanks for everything!!! From all of us!!!

ok, i'm better!

2009-05-08T07:31:00.002-05:00

ok, i was displaying a moment of weakness yesterday. i really hate it when i do that. i usually read the Bible or a devotion of some type and find my way back to reality. however-yesterday i let my self get causght up in the moment of stress and frustration. but i am better now. thanks!!!!

STRESSED, TIRED OF THE CRAP, READY TO BOLT...BUT I NEVER WILL

2009-05-07T16:43:00.002-05:00

MAN...I AM STRESSED. TIRED OF THE BACK AND FORTH WITH THE KIDS. TIRED OF DEALING WITH MY SISTER'S ISSUES. BOTH OF THEM. TIRED. JUST TIRED. NOT TIRED ENUFF TO QUIT. BUT I KINDS WANT TO. 5 STEPS FORWARD. 10 STEPS BACK. I FEEL SO IRRITATED. WANT TO RUN. WHY CAN'T IT BE NORMAL? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FOOD? WHY? WHY EVERYTHING? WHY?, WHY?, WHY? UUGHHHH!!!

I Love These Things!!

2009-05-06T08:38:00.002-05:00

Have I mentioned how much I am fascinated with these!!!

They are so giant!!
I was awesome to stand under one!
Awesome!

Tried to get as many as I could in one pic!

There is a a lookout point on route 9 past colfax a ways and it is awesome. It shows you exactly how big they really are. There is a sidewalk that is the actual size with dimensions and such. There are binoculars to look through. The sound they make is so amazing. I could sit there and think and relax for days just watching and listening. I want to lay under on on a blanket and just relax. There is a place to sit. I told Kyle I want to have a picnic there. Of course he thinks I am crazy. I am just fascinated by them.

Digging

2009-05-06T08:04:00.002-05:00

By the way,,,i forgot to mention something cute (to me anyway). while playing in the dirt yesterday i had the dogs out there with me. chili is not much of a get dirty or wet kind of dog,,,zeus on the other hand, he wants to roll in skunk pee, poop of any kind, mud, on worms...he loves nasty!! so, i am on my hands and knees sifting thru the dirt for big grass chunks--nice picture huh? lol. anyway, zeus stolls up by me smelling like a vacuum cleaner. next thing i know he is throwing dirt 6 inches behind him. digging as fast as he could. he would make a whole real deep, stick his head in, smell, sneeze, and then do it all over again. there were worms in the dirt, he would put them on top of the dirt and just roll like a wierdo on them. and guess what...i was so worn out that he didnt even get a bath last night...eewwww...thanks goodness he gave himself a bath. wish i'd had a camera...it was sooo cute.

I Knew It...

2009-05-06T07:46:00.004-05:00

OK--I knew it!! A person has a gut feeling for a reason. I knew that she had not been taught to listen, but i really didn't know to this extent. Yesterday cassy did not come home from school as planned. pastor's son got her from her room and was leading her to the vehicle when she said she seen our car. he let her go(no fault of his, most seven 7yr olds know what they are talking about) and she left with 2 kids from school!!!! Walked to their house. and the parent-THANK GOODNESS!!!!-called the school. Now, i see a lot of 7 yr old kids walking to school, which is fine, but they have been taught a little better. she is so easily distracted and would go with ANYONE!!! we have had a talk everyday about who not to go with and what to do, and she still left. I even asked her yesterday morning "who are you to leave with?" and she told me. after school at about 4:10 when she got home she said "but they were my friends"!!! i was relieved to see and wanted to beat her at the same time. she is crazily defenseless, oblivious to any danger out there. and, let me tell you the feeling of helplessness by not being able to drive was the worst it has ever been. pastor was waiting on her and then brought her back to me. i knew better...people think i am a freak, but i knew. and now they do too!! i promise you that even after yesterday, she would leave with anyone again. that is so scary to me. yes it is a small town, but---perverts are everywhere!! even at a friend's house. i am just thankful that the parent called the school and sent her back with her daughter instead of just letting her go...gives me the heebie jeebies... So she left again today...with someone else. coming home...with someone else...and i am about to choke. except the fact that it is set up for her NOT to just be let go on the playground (which by the way i think is crazy anyway-but who am i). she is to go to the office and someone will pick her up from in there!! k, so there you have it!! panic at the disco---lol...

just rambling...

2009-05-05T07:55:00.003-05:00

Good morning! Well cassy hasn't been gone 10 minutes and i am worried. did she get into the door (she is easily distracted)? Will she remember that our pastor's son is getting her from her room? what if she forgets? uugghhh...and she is not even my kid. that is the "Rog" totally coming out in me(my dad). worry, worry, worry. I wouldn't worry even half as much if they had been taught anything. I feel so awful that they really don't know so much that you think they should know. about life, about people, about everything. It is really heartbreaking. cassy has a giant tendency to cry ALLLLL the time over EVERYTHING!!! the other night she was crying and crying after she had just eaten a giant supper about how hungry she was and wanted a snack...i asked her what was really wrong that she could not be hungry that soon. she says "i am afraid the food will run out" "what if it all gets gone?" "i have to eat it all before it goes away". tears rolled down my cheeks as i promising her that that would never happen...EVER. it was awful. i am more patient than i ever thought i would be--but the crying is really testing me.

heaven has been on a roller coaster for days now. i almost didn't go to a friends mom's service because she was having such a bad melt-down. her mom was here for about an hour after school. just enough to bring it all up in her again. she actually went to paxton to sign all the papers for her to have counseling. it is a roller coaster every day of emotion--more so when she sees her mom. and she does not want cassy here. it's really going ok, just adjusting to anything is hard on heaven!!

my other sister is being her usual self centered nieve person. she is so mad about me having cassy. trish was trying to keep the girls close-they have only had each other constantly their whole lives. the other sister is saying things like"they think so little of us, we are good enuff to buy shoes and get a haircut but not to live with"! uughhhh...she is sooooo selfish. i can't even begin to explain her. kyle says not to let it bother me, but ignorance is irritating!! if she were even trying to be part of the family she would understand all thses kids have been thru...but there is no one in her life except the jerk, two timing, respect demanding (for nothing), controlling, stupid husband of hers. and i realize that is not Christian like-but I am frustrated with her. and i could have said way worse. i do pray that they find peace. that they can feel the grace of God. I pray that she realizes family first before something happens and she will have regrets.

aannnnyyyhoooooo.....i am finally getting my garden planted today. i am excited. i have 3 tomato plants-cherry, big boy, early girl, 2 cuke plants, seeds-beets(for mom and mom-n-law), radish, green bean, zuchini, watermelon, still getting jalapeno plants, green pepper plants, and a few other little things, oh yeah-160 onions to plant!!! been waiting forever--but getting it done!!wooohoooo.

have i mentioned that i have the worlds best hubby?(to me)....he does sooo much for us 3. never complains, never asks for anything. he really loves us so much and puts up with a lot from my family. he always has the best interest of the kids at heart.

next week, i hope to get some flowers and gett hem planted...love planting things. i could spend tons, if i had it.

i have a spring cleaning list a mile long. anyone feel like cleaning?? anyone? anyone? ok, ok, guess i will have to do it.

mandy gets baptized this Sunday so we are going to their church instead of ours. she will also be intro'd as a member. she is in college to become a nurse. she has just grown up so fast. they all are. i love her so much!

i taught candis how to loom. she loves it. made herself a hat already and think she is gonna help make hats for heaven's school...lol, is that a joke, maybe i should have waited a little while before opening my mouth. that's me tho-vomit of the mouth alll the time...

well, guess maybe i should get back to work. unfortunately the laundry and dish fairy skipped over my house last night-think she was needed somehwere else worse. lol...dang her!! oh well--we really do enjoy the business and the xtra people around. think we have decided we want seven or 8...eventually...of course that means eventually we will have to get a bigger house!! take care...have a blessed day!! ttfn....btw...i am not doing the spelling check so enjoy the typos...lol

up in the air

2009-04-27T07:49:00.002-05:00

ok, i finally have about .3 seconds to post something so here goes--

well last week flew by. tons to do in a short time and a million and 3 ?'s going on in my head. what is she thinking? what does she look like? wonder if she would even open up enough to talk to us(they said she was very shy). a person could about run themselves crazy. seemed like from 12p-3p went by in like 15 minutes. then she called-is she canceling? does she not want to come? a ton of thoughts in the 2 seconds to answer the phone. she said " were in gc and on 5th st, how do we get to ur house"-i could have barfed!! lol...craziness...tina get a hold of yourself is all i could say. so they pull up...my heart is pounding-i can only begin to imagine what she is feeling. whatever i was feeling i knew she was feeling 12x as much. i just wanted to hug her-but u r not supposed too. so i didn't. she and the worker came in and introduced us and left. really it was that quick. she was standing at the door with her head down for prob 10-15 minutes not talking at all. then finally she sat on the couch. for at least 45 minutes there was not a word from her. i however was trying as hard as i possible could not to BOMB her with ?'s...trust me it was not easy. i showed her the room and the house...we just sat there in silence. finally i told her "look i am so nervous/excited that i can't take it-can we talk?" she started opening up a little. very little. i wanted to cry for her. i know the number of times she as done this. and can't imagine. i just wanted to convey to her that we would never hurt her and there are good people that can love her. so, just as soon as she started to open up , she went to the room and made her bed(we let her pick which one she wanted). she laid out her clothes for the next day. then my dearest most loving hubby came home. he asked her if she was hungry and conversation took off from there. we talked a lot. we got supper and took it to the park. came back and played monopoly, are you smarter than a 5th grader, and chilled. about 10:40ish papi went to bed. she asked me to watch a movie with her so we started it and she fell asleep. the next morning she slept in (which she said she usually sleeps til noon) but the dogs woke her up. her and i played yahtzee, mad gab(not the right way) and kyle came home from work. he chimed in on the games and then we grilled lunch. while we were doing lunch we played that velcro ball game-first me then kyle. then we had to take her home. she lives in a house with TONS of people. 4 other foster kids, the ladies grand-daughter, daughter, husband, their 2 kids and she is pregnant, and a foster child that came back after out of the system. not including the billion people in and out in a day. the foster mother was really neat. said all kinds of nice things to us. told us some about her. and we left. we talked for a few miles and then silence. just lost in our thoughts. our fears. wondering what she was thinking. what was she feeling as we drove away. our ideas of a family. how hard it is to not have a family. i long to see our child. his eyes, my nose, my attitude, his compassion. we just held hands and rode. i love him so much. (even tho i may want to choke him now and again)

don't get me wrong, i know this has happened for a reason. and most likely it is so we can help heaven. i am ok with it. i really am. she really needs help. but nonetheless-it hurts.

so on to other stuff...oh wait, one more thing...now we just have to wait and see if she wants to come back then they will call.

ok, we are now helping with our youth group starting this thursday. which rocks!! i am nervous, but kyle is in all his glory. he has awesome things planned with a meaning behind them. he is really growing...and man have we changed. still surprises me sometimes. i would never have believed we would be where we are even a year ago.

we had "get out of church day" yesterday. it was awesome. we were split into teams and went out to minister and pray for people. there were people at harpers pumping gas and washing windows, a team at the annex, a team at mcdonalds, the laundry mat, and county market giving out gift certificates, and the kids were doing a free car wash. it was really neat. we are definitely doing it again.

kyle went to melvin to help clean a ladies yard and i was sent with another girl to the manor. now for those of you who know me-the unknown scares the living daylights out of me. i don't like to talk in front of people, especially praying. i didn't know this girl either. might i say i was excited but nervous as all get out. pastor nick is really trying to help me and encourage me to get out of my comfort zone. that's where he says i will be at my best. that's why he didn't pair me with kyle. i thanked him for doing that. it was an awesome experience. we talked to and prayed for 90% of the people in there. we shed lots of tears. and i know that my time needs to be spent more wisely so maybe i can spend time with some that are so lonely. i have been there a million times. this time was different. this time Jesus went before me, gave me strength, and sent his love thru me. it was powerful.

after that we flew to miller park for cassy's b-day party/cookout. we were only almost 2 hours late. we hurried. it was nice to be in the nice breeze and be with the fam. i will put pics on facebook later.

so there you have it, our very emotional, fantastic, awesome weekend. i hope you all had a great weekend!! thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. have a blessed day! luv, me

anxious beyond belief

2009-04-23T07:48:00.002-05:00

ok, i always pick the worst times to be on here...i realize i have not posted in like three weeks. so i am going to share the inner ramblings of my brain in hopes to release. please be prepared-it may not make sense, you may not be able to follow, you may get bored while reading it, and you just may feel like me after reading it. i apologize in advance.

the reason it is the worst time is because i a have a trillion and 3 things to get done today and tomorrow. you know just a few, call the vet-chili's rabies injection spot is really hard and swollen, call about a tiller (whenever we can sqeeze that time in before it decided to rain again), clean my house from top to bottom, shampoo the carpets and the furniture, breathe, go clean the church from 3:45-6, spray on some perfume and fly to the open house at the elementary tonight, pack heaven's bag, get her mentally prepared, and the list goes on. (as i know it does for everyone, "ahem", but this is about me right now...lol)

i am replaying heaven's IEP over and over in my head. feel so bad for her and the pain she is gonna have to endure while growing up all while hoping the anger chooses not to surface-or if it does be able to be dealt with. she is really frustrated with me because of the rules and limits we put on her, but the are necessary for safety reasons. if any of you watche criminal minds--i was flabbergasted while watching it last night..the similiarities were uncanny. she has progressed a lot and is doing wuite well they said, but she has a long road to go...never a public school...of course we are not giving up--i am just venting. we talk, talk, talk, talk, til we can not talk anymore about life skills everyday. that is another good thing-she is really opening up. i hope she can release and release til she feels better. There are a lot of people praying for her and all things are possible with GOD!!

ok, on to the next thing in the ole brainster-our pre-placement visit!! she will be here tomorrow!! tomorrow!!! tomorrow-i love you tomorrow...lol..sorry slip of the brain...i am wondering how she is feeling? will she accept us? what does she like to do? what does she look like? will she feel comfy with us? and trust me the list goes on for 642 questions that are bouncing from one side to the other. nervous. excited. emotional. overflowing with love.

we had an impromptu cookout last night-which rocked by the way. my mom-n-law, sis-n-law, all 5 her kiddies, 2 of my friend's kiddies, and us. it's been awhile since we all have grilled out. man was it overdue. i love a house full of kids, the laughter, the footsteps, the hugs, and yes even the dealing witht he fighting. only can't handle puke!! the i yell 'oh honey (while gagging) hellllpppp". and might i say the peanut butter pie recipe from a friend was delicious!!! definitely gonna be made lots here. whoa...how is that gonna work and lose weight? lol.....

you know what..i am disappointed...the house is not magically cleaning itself while i am sitting here...why? where is the cleaning lady? hello? well guess the lazy lady did not show up again...uugghhhh...all of it is back on me...love that...

and the add is on full force....i am trying to stay focused and i am trying to think of a poem to write for the child that comes here, want to make her a hat(you know 2 more hours of something i need to get done), thinking of things to put in the bulletin(that i am not making for the church), trying to stay focused on staying focused, need to call mom today, hhmm-what all am i gonna put in the garden? how should i do that? dang it tina-stay focused!!! need to do devotionals-that just may help me to calm down. need to pray..that will help me calm down. oh yeah just looked around the room need to water the plants.

you crazy yet? i think i just might be!! lol....nahhh-just excited.

ok, i am going now. i am gonna blare a WBGL cd of my fav songs to relax too, oh yeah, need to make a cd for aunt lala...ok, back to signing off. "this is the slightly insane, extreme loving, peace-seeking, Slim Shady P (as kyle calls me) signing off for the day. may you all have a blessed, fantastic, happy, wonderful day. Peace out!!"

GOOOOOD MORNING!!!!!!

2009-04-02T07:41:00.002-05:00

Well after a great nights sleep, I am up and running already...hehe at least the ole mind is. Man i went to bed around 8:50!! that is sooo unusual for me. was gonna blog anyway then i read momma b's latest one. it iwas an honor to work on those hats for the kids at cunningham. a little piece of love to go along witht heir warm heads...lol. i copied her great idea!! i called and talked to heaven's school where kids live also and go to school there and volunteerd to make hats and scarves!! there are 26 kiddies that live there and 100 that go to school there. 20 girls and 80 boys...what a difference huh? so anyway i would LOVE to throw in some socks with them (haha) if at all possible. i told her that it would not be until right before fall so that leaves plenty of time. which i might of course ask a few angels to help me....

so, i also went on a mission trip this last weekend. i left friday around 9 and came home sat around 5p. it was an experience! first of all let me get sidetracked for a second--friday was our anniversary and i was gonna be gone so i left things everywhere so he would think of me. i left a bag of hershey's kisses scattered in his truck seat with a note, i wrote SHMILY (see how much i love you) wrote in the shower with sidewalk chalk, i wrote on the bathroom mirror, i wrote stuff on the fridge with magnets-the colorful kiddie ones, and i wrote all over the front porch and sidewalk out front so he would see it on his way to work that morning!! to my surprise he did something too!! it is even still there. he wrote on the front yard with his orange paint from work "happy 10 i luv you". he made me tear up...it is the little things!! ok back from my world to a very different one.

i went with 5 guys from church to east st louis. we worked on a house that was givent o them from the family of a man that had recently passed away. it was for a family of 8 that either had no place to go or was losing their house soon. so we did that most of the day friday and sat morning. there was a group of 9 from maryland. it was really neat to meet new people and talk to them. it was a very new experience for me--seeing how my crew pulled up and dumped me with these 9 people that i had never met before!! altho iwas stressed at first-it will help me break from my shell. anyway sat night we did street ministry. we rode around the mean streets of east st louis where the prostitutes, drug dealers, gang members hang. we looked for them to give them hygiene packs, snack packs, and bottled water. we didn't see many people at all (it was cold out) so we went to a brothel/crackhouse. the girls (5 of us) and 2 guys went in. WOW!! a life i have never seen before. the first girl came out of her room and the pastors know most of these people by name, and was very thanksful to see us. was happy to receive her gifts and wanted a prayer. we all laid hands and prayed for her. she was really short and little, she kept sniffling and bouncing around, she could not stand still, everything she owned was in this little room and men were coming there for you know what!! it was awful. as we started backing away i noticed that she was pregnant! that was hard for me. but i also experienced a dif kind of love. one that just wanted to help her instead of condemn her and be be bitter. then she yelled in this hotel and the doors opened. about 4 more people came out. 1 woman, 3 men (who live there). her name was shannon. she was sniffling and much more restless than the first girl. se looked so awful. sunken cheeks, rotten teeth, greasy hear. she wanted us to pray for her children and her mom. she stated several times that she was a lost cause. man i was so filled with emotions. i didn't even sleep that night. i felt so guilty for going to a nice hotel, have a warm shower, i was stuffed from the dinner we had before we left. i was praying that she and the others were ok, that they changed or will and gave/give their life to Christ. it was something. i will definately go back as many times as i can. here is a link that truly describes the experience almost to a perfect t. http://tpe.ag.org/Articles2006/4834_Urban.cfm Pastor Jay and his crew are awesome. he looks like a wwe wrestler and is in a neighborhood that is 99.9% black. and he is making a difference. he said even one year ago the hotel/brothel we were in was PACKED all rooms filled and people sleeping in the hallway, doing drugs right there. that the streets were packed full of people and protitutes...and thanks God--there was hardly anyone out. and he had opened 3 churches since being there!! amazing!!! it was an amazing experience.

ok and another thing...think i finally know what i want to do in ministry...i want to work in a homeless shelter or children's home. i have so much love to give and want to give it away...since i don't drive i have been praying about it and will wait, but that is what i really want to do.

man this is the longest blog i have ever written!! and i have tons more to say, so just sit there and keep reading...lol...unless you are about to fall off your chair from boredom!!

the man i used to take care of is now in the nursing home. it is not a bad thing for him. he loves the interaction with people, he gets good meals, and he gets showered!! again all of which we take for granted. he just needs looked over all hours of the day, not just 2!! i rode the ole bi-cycle (yes i know it is spelled wrong, but i was spelling it like i always say it) out to the home and visited him yesterday. we played some rummy. thought he was gonna beat me, but we ended up tieing. vising him makes his day, and mine. no matter what you are feeling when you leave you are smiling and thankful. people are always asking me their and at the hospital shockingly " are you related to him?" i reply no i worked for him and care about him immensely and he is a person-would you want to be alone thru all of this-or ever? i want them to know that someone is checking in on him and they can't just run over hime because he is special. that is another something i want to do--be an advocate for people.

kyle is at the quitting smoking thing again. he did it for 6 days a acouple weeks ago. he had had i think 4 int he last 2 days. he really wants to quit. it is hard for all of us with his grouchiness, but it is worth it.

well some heaven news. her mom was gonna take her home in a few days...ok wait, have to say something before i forget..she was just bumped up another reading level!! 3 since she has been here!! wooohoooooo!! she is doing wonderful...she was preschool when she first got there now she is the high end of first grade. that is good for her!! she is back to where she was when she left me the last time. ok, back to the other, her mom was gonna take her home and come to find out that if she moves back to her moms she cannot go to school at hammitt!! she would go back to the academy in pontiac..and believe you me-no child should go there so it sounds. there are tons of details, but that is the jist of it. so heaven said she is NOT goig back to that school so she is here at least to the end of school...and another tidbit of news her mom is looking for a place in GC!!!! so she can move home and go to school at hammitt. we'll see how that goes!!!

i am supposed to go to lucnh with a friend today..that will be nice.

ok, now maybe, just maybe, i can be productive on the things i need to do!!! the add is major today and the last few days soooo...i start 12 and get 2-3 done!! uugghhh....lots of stuff to do on the computer also some for the church, some for heaven, and some for me!! i didn't check the spelling or anything so if it is wrong--get over it!! i am a mad typer with tons on the brain....lol. HAVE A BLESSED DAY!!!!

10 years

2009-03-26T08:39:00.003-05:00

Good morning!! hope you all are having a great morning. i was actually up about 5:45. i got up and made kyle coffee!! for those of you who know me, making coffee is a ginormous deal. it really means that i love him alot-i know it sounds dumb, but there is a huge story behind it. anyway, made him coffee and had a chance to talk a lot this morning. tomorrow is our 10 year anniversary!! amazing how time flies. mandy was a baby when we first got togehter and now she is 19 years old and in college and getting batized in may and will then be a member of her church!! time--sure stands still for no one. i always heard people say it was like wine, gets better with time. that is sure true!! and guess what? i won't even be home(get to that in a minute). i have all kinds of little things planned. i am so excited. I am gonna tape a card and throw some kisses in his truck while he is in the shower. warm his towel in the dryer tonite. write things i the shower with soap. then tomorrow when i leave i am gonna write all kinds on the sidewalk so he can read it all the way up to the door since i wont be home. the mail person might think i am crazy, but whatever. that's just a few of the things i am gonna do, (don't want to bore you to tears). i want him to smile wherever he looks while i am not here. i couldn't imagine having a more supportive, non jealous, intelligent, person to know and help my family, good looking husband to let me be me no matter what. don't get me wrong we do drive each other crazy sometimes. but that would be with anyone you share your life with.

the reason i am not gonna be here is that we signed up for a short mission trip to st louis. it is the worst part of st luois, washington park. our church supports a ministry called urban outreach and they are opening another church and we are going down to help clean it and get it ready and the do street evangelism right down in front of a crack house. we are gonna take food and talk to them and hopefully one/some/all will give thier lives to Christ. i am very happy that i am able to go and help. they have it pretty rough and i feel blessed for all of the gifts in my life and to be able to help. kyle is on call and getting someone to switch with him is like pulling teeth. so since uncle jimmy is going, so i get to go also and share a room with him for the night, not a stranger. kyle is disappointed he really wanted to go.

well i am definately gonna get my exercise today. i have to go to the bloodwork at the hospital, then go visit ralph at the nursing home and back here!! a few stops in between, but that is like 60some blocks!! wooohoooo!! i am gonna get a major workout like i did tuesday. i must crank out another hat soon also, pack my overnite bag, figure out supper, whew--busy day.

heaven doesn't come back til Sunday night. sure has been quiet around here!

well, not getting anything done sitting on here, sooooo hope you all have a great day and weekend!! wish you the best of everything!!! ttfn.....

VENTING!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-18T15:36:00.002-05:00

OK, i am gonna just start it right off!! i am sooo upset right now. my niece and i just had a huge discussion-she has had for the 3rd day in a row, not done good at school!! too many rudes and not following directions. of course all this since the weekend at her moms. where the rules and lifestyles are completely different!!! so different that i cannot even begin to explain. she is 10 years old and yes she should at this age be let to have more freedom(which she is mad that i wont let her), but she can't!! she is way to knowledgeable of sex and violence that she can't just be let loose. I am trying to limit what she sees and hears and for what? for when she goes home to see and hear all the wrong stuff and be right back where i have started? it is becoming so hard for her. i feel for her so much. she is sooo mad at me for taking away the cd that she was singing britney sex songs!! she already knows too much!!! which led to her just being mad at me for everything. i had to explain to her that her mom called here and asked if she could stay and if i could help her, and that we are making the right decisions for the care that she needs. i told her that she is smart, funny, beautiful and worth more than just having sex with some random person. then she starts telling me of the sex that she has seen her mom have with men. OOOHHH MYYY GOOODNESS!!!! is this really happening? i am just about to croak!! for her and her sister and me and kyle for that matter. i just tried to explain this stuff and it about led to a blow out!! but i backed down and just let it be. she is going there friday for 10 days! it is gonna be hell for her to get back into the routine for school and such...if she comes back! yes i said it, i don't think she will, but who am i? the chopped liver, gouchy, mean, keeping you here, awful aunt!! if she could only understand!!! if only.....

crazy!!

2009-03-13T11:57:00.002-05:00

CRAZY!! Yes crazy. Sooo much running through the mind I almost feel crazy!! Most of it is my family..surprise surprise--i know ..really!! lol. I just don't have anywhere to start. Then i could go on forever and ever. Nothing is ever accomplished with them. I did get a call from our licensing worker yesterday-because of Heaven's issues, we will be licensed for 11 and up. When she goes home then they will switch it to babies again. She knows hoe much I want to adopt a baby. Bur most of our time and attention is spent on heaven. She counts as 2-3 children already they said. I am not complaining, she is my family and I love her DEARLY. Only she doesn't realize how much she hurts feelings at all. After talking with the worker and actually hearing (I already knew, but to hear it is different) the baby would be put off for awhile Heaven came home from shool is one of her most oppositional moods and was really hurtful. Mind you at her house she does not get half the attention (positive anyway) or half the things she has gotten used to here. She is on the phone with her mom saying i have to get home this weekend, i have to get our of here, they are mean to me, i cna't stand it here. all the while i am trying to explain to myself in my head this is what she does, she is very hurtful sometimes, she is just playing the sides against each other, but i felt my heart wanting to explode!!! when she got off the phone, i let her have it. I told her how much she hurt my feelings and how we are not mean to her and we don't yell that we explain things, and that how is it so bad here with the nice room she has, the tv, the eating out, and mostly the love the she gets from us both. Then i started to cry..uugghhh, i hate that. But it is soooo hard to hear that from someone of who you sacrifice so much for that she doesnt like it here. Which she loves it here just says things to hurt. I wouldn't change it, but yesterday it all hit me. It all hit at once, and i wasn;t feeling good on top of it. Seems as tho feelings are 10x more sensitive when u don't feel good. And then to find out while I was crying that my mom has no place to live now!! UUGGHHHH. For those of you wo do not know my family I am sorry that you don't understand a lot of this, but for those of you who do---HEEELLLPPPP!!!!!! My ungrateful witchy kittle sister who has a four bedroom house with a full basement won't even let her stay. The other sister who has a 3 bedroom house with extra epople living there already has offered mom and a long time fam friend to live there--she has a heart. I already have Heaven and our lease says no one else can live here and we have our workers coming in and out all the time anyway. which means if someone else was staying we could not get licensed!! Ugghhh. Oh well enought about my family!! If I let it, it will make me crazy!!! Crazy Crazy Crazy i tell ya. So I don't let it...most of the time...lol

How about the sunshine? It is a beautiful day!!! I am gonna take the boyz for a walk in a bit and maybe go to Ralph's, we'll see.

I am with 3DNP on the camping. There is nothing like just getting away!!! The sound and smell of a fire is soo therapeutic!! Fishing and hiking!! Just away from the everyday!! I hope to get further away this year, go someplace we have not been before.

Kyle is on his 4th day of trying to not smoke. he has had only a few a day instead of a million. He is doing good but it is so very hard for him!!! Tomorrow is the day he has none!! Look out I might be looking for a place to live for awhile. He can get rude and ruthless when he tries to quit. He apologizes beforehand because of how hard it is on him. He actually get sick also.. So glad I never ever smoked.

Well off to enjoy the rest of the day. Alot to do in a short time! Wishing you all a great happy fantastic weekend!!!! Talk to ya soon...

2009-03-03T07:58:00.002-06:00

Good morning!!!! hope you all had a great monday!! i figured i would take some time to write before i dive into my to do list. I wonder if i will ever be caught up, and what that would feel like? to have everything done? uuummm, can't imagine.

things went very well with heaven this morning. i am almost amazed. usually the transition is awful for her. she was really good this morning!! that makes for a good day. we have her counseling tonite so that is good also. then tomorrow night is the Ladies Aid!! woohooo!! some grown up girl time. that will be nice. maybe that fix the itch that i have about traveling. i am feeling so drawn (more than ever) to go somewhere. I WANT TO SEE A BEACH!!! i was looking last night and considering going by myself. i looked at trains and greyhound. i don't even care if i ride all the way there for one night (meaning sunset and sunrise over the water) and then ride home. they say they help people with issues(disability is just too strong of a word for me). so i could just run away for a few days. of course there is nothing more i would like than someone to go with, but not sure anyone can/will. we have some friends that have a camper thought about that so kyle would go with, but he doesnt want to take a bus (which is tons cheaper than i thought). see, i do NOT fly!!!! anyway, as you can see, my mind is running crazy and i promise you i will see a beach on the ocean by the end of this year!!!!!!! alone or not!!! i have been looking at the atlas for a few days trying to figure out where...i dont want a major tourist attraction, just a simple town with some shoreline...

enuff of the dreaming for now. have work to do!! wish you all the best!!!

the news

2009-02-24T07:51:00.003-06:00

ok, i am gonna rant for a few minutes so if you don't want to hear it, x me out now!!! i turned on the news to see what the weather was predicted to be (hoping for some spring like stuff soon) and the first thing i hear is about the 11 year old that shot his dad's 9 month pregnant g/f. WHAT???????????? 11 years old, 2 more innocent lives gone. AN UNBORN BABY??? it is almost too hard to fathum. 11 years old, never in trouble, "a good kid" pushed by jealousy"!! are you serious? how sad it is that they keep getting younger and younger committing crimes like this. then my next thought was my niece living with me. she has major anger issues, oppositional defiance disorder, adhd, ocd, ptsd, and, and, and, it scares me to death to think of what could happen. how angry she could get and be pushed? it can happen obviously. and another ? who the WORLD buys there 11 year a shot gun??? that is just CRAZY to me!!! why put weapons in their hands? I HATE GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes for all of you gun people--guns dont kill people, people kill people-i get it, but obviously if there was no gun in the house -OR THAT HE KNEW HOW TO USE-it might not have happened. anyway, enuff of the major controversy i just started. back to my niece--i trembled inside at the thought of the possibility that this could be her if the help she is continuing to get stops. yesterday was the worst day ever. she is soooooo mad at me right now after the weekend with her mom. she wants go where it is "fun" "where there is a (my words-stupid freakin) playstation with games (you know that are violent killing games not anything kid like.) i seen while there a head be ripped off and an arm and blood everywhere on this game. gee, now take someone with mental issues and let them play it, good idea right???? gggrrrrrr, i am so frustrated with the way things have happened. she is mad because they spent the weekend knocking me and now she is here and feels that i am wronging her mother. man there is soooo much history that some of this may not make sense to people who do not know the situation, but i have to rant..vent, and get it out before i blow up!!! gggrrrrrr....and yes for those of you thinking foster care will be like this-YES I KNOW--but it will be different because my it is not my family (yet anyway) that i have invested my whole heart and soul into, to make sure they have what they need, food to eat, clothes to wear and to feel as much love as they can from me for 10 years!!!! since they were born--it is really hard!! i am up for the challenge-don't worry, i just needed to vent. the reason i am mad is because it is preventable. she is soooooo impressionable it is ridiculous...they can spend the week complaining about me, just not where she can hear it. of course there is not reason to complain, just insecurity.

ok then on to the next subject...the next thing i hear is about the mother of 14 children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gggrrrrrr....no job, no house, no partner of any type, on public aid--GETTING IVF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes i have heard about it before today, but today it just seems to be too much to listen to. I can't have children as you know and let me tell you, i do NOT know how a woman with six kids in her situation could even begin to afford it, let alone be selfish enuff to do it again. she has two kids with disabilities. help them extra, love them, love the six you have!!!! it is like 10,000$ per try for ivf...each one of her kids were ivf...that is a lot of money. gggrrrrr....there are a lot of feelings rolling around in my head today. i pray for all those sweet innocent children who were brought into this mess. i pray for the whole family...and this lady wants to be a counselor or psychiatrist, think she needs to go to one for awhile. heck maybe i do after today and yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol....

ok, my ranting is over...some people may think i am one way or the other on these subjects, they are highly controversial subjects i know and i see some of both sides, it am just expressing my opinion on the things i am going thru...

well, i thank you for listening to me..holla back and lets chat.

i am gonna get to my moving my house around. we have take our bed out and put up the twin beds and put the full bed in our room(gonna be tight fitting with the 2 6-8lb dogs who literally hog the bed), paint our room and the kids room. i am excited to get this done. i will share some pics soon...

i am going to my daily devotional and feel the love...hope you have a great day!! have a blessed day!!

Me? making hats, never thought, but man it is awesome!!!

2009-02-23T08:00:00.002-06:00

Well as I sit here with a list a mile long (literally) of things to do I decided to upload and share the pics of the hats i learned to make friday from momma b (who rocks might I add). Of course Kyle snatched the first one the tan one, and I gave my niece Cassy the awesome pink and blue one. Which I will make another of. It was kyle's suggestion and i never would have put those two together, but it looked really neat. So i say again, Me? Making hats? I never thought in a million years I would, but it is awesome. First and foremost is the helping reason, second of all everyone wants one, third of all it is something I can do without having to have perfect vision. I am rally excited...but now the housework and to do list will be much longer than usual..lol...

Hope everyone had a great weekend!! It was nice, but too short as always!! Guess I should get to that mile long list, take care, be safe and smile--God loves ya!!! TTYL...

man it's cold outside....

2009-02-19T12:28:00.004-06:00

howdy hoo...that's better...anyway, how's it going? great, great. guess what? i am breaking down and going to buy some looms and yarn tonite!! yes you heard me right. i am jumping on the yarn wagon. they are really neat and i want to help also. i am sooo excited to learn. momma b is coming over tomorrow to show me. not only am i excited about the time with her, but that i will learn a new trade. the smiles above are from the hat and scarf momma b gave heaven. which she loves dearly.

well-not much to tell really. the friend that i had blogged about 2 x ago and i are getting along. we had lunch once and are going again tomorrow. i am really glad. i don't like it when there are bad feelings between me and someone else. so that worked out...

we have had worker after worker here lately. almost done with the licensing process, just a couple more weeks. i am really excited to get that done. so it is just he crazy day to day stuff that keeps us busy. which i kinda enjoy. our house went from just kyle and i (and the 2 boyz) to heaven with workers and appts and homework and, and. and all the extra help she needs. seeing the improvement in her is AWESOME!!! she is doing so well. she doesn't know it yet but her glasses are in and she is gonna be sooo happy. yes she is a kid who is very excited about getting them. she is gonna feel like a million bucks tomorrow and i am o excited for her. plus it will help keep her eye that is not quite with it all the time, with the other one. which will help her headaches and stuff.

we are going to bloomington tonite to get her shoes and glasses and some clothes. and of course the looms. then saturday we are going back to bloomington to pick up a set of twin beds that a furniture place donated to us. heaven's worker hooked us up. it is sooo nice how compassionate people can be. not only compassionate, but refreshing. well, guess i should get back to my work on the house and such. hope that you all have a wonderful blessed day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

friday night lights....

2009-01-30T22:24:00.002-06:00

hello hello!! been awhile again. i have been catching myself coming and going. well, i take that back, yesterday and the day before i did pretty much nothing. just chillin a bit, some down time. i just made literally like more than 1000 flashcards for us to help heaven practice her words and math. she really broke my heart again tonite. she is so down on herself. she was calling herself stupid and dumb because she didn't know how to do multiplication yet. she said"i am ten years old and i know everyone is doing more than addition and subtraction, i am too stupid too learn it". i wanted to die inside for her. she trys so hard. i can't believe that she has to go thru this. she is way more grown in some ways and way not in others. i decided tonite come high water i am gonna help her. her teachers do a wonderful job at the school she is now. i just know that we can help her also. now that i am ready to cry......i am gonna move on.

never in my life have i ever been more ready for spring/summer. i want to be outside. i want a garden. this cold stuff is ridiculous. been some cold days to ralph's and back, that's for sure.

i have taken over the website, myspace and making a facebook for our church. it is something that i really enjoy-a lot. i hope to (when i get it going more) reach people and spread His Word. i wish there was church like on tuesdays, thursdays, and Sundays. seriously.

next week should be the last visit from out licensing worker. i have had a worker of some type here for the last 3 weeks and 2 more to go. heavens interventionist will be here the following week. anyway, mind is wondering a little. i am excited to get all that done. had to get heaven her physical today to give to her when she comes again. wrapping things up...wooohoooooo!!!

so the friday night lights thing is a bit of irony. it is friday night and i sit here by the light of the computer and tv. happy that our lives have changed and i won't wake up (or go to bed) sick. that i am not doing something that i am sure to regret if drinking. who new the simple life would be so nice? glad i found out.

i am a little excited about Sunday. and no it is not because of football...gag me...well guess kinda it is...heading to momma b's house for some friends, food, laughter and love. wooohoooooo!!! am ready for that. some good ole belly laughs. it is the best med you know??!!!!

my boyz are all snuggled up...kyle is snoring and the little boyz are under the covers not to be seen until about 1:30ish, you know=right after i fall asleep, ggrrrr....happens everytime. we all actually get to sleep in tomorrow. guess i should start picking up the mess and winding down some...wish you all a blessed happy day tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! ttfn....

mind wondering issues...

2009-01-18T16:46:00.002-06:00

hey...ok my mind is just running crazy today!! well it wasn't til just a little bit ago. see i have this friend, well maybe she is still a friend, that things went very very sour and we have not talked in months. i have been thinking a lot about her, seeing her in my dreams, seeing her in town, lately seeing her name on the computer being friends with my other friends, and it makes me wonder if i should contact her? should i see how things go, give it a little more and just bust it out there? or should i wait? but wait for what? wait for more time to pass and there may not be a chance to say what i need to say, or wait til it is just not fixable? or...should i just throw my heart out there and if she rejects me, fine, but she will know where i stand, that i forgive her and that i am really not upset, mad, or even hurt in the least anymore. to tell her all kinds of things. man, i can't figure out what to say, should i shouldn't i? just running myself crazy...and my hubby...no surprise there....

today is just a thought provoking day i guess. church was awesome and it got me thinking what is my dream? what do i want to do with the gifts God gave me? What is my purpose exactly? hhmmmm...just think think think....

well, guess i will go and try to run myself crazier....

feels like we are living in the country....

2009-01-16T08:22:00.002-06:00

ok--so i am just gonna bust it all out there...who knew that gibson was like living in the country. this is almost ridiculous. don't get me wrong-i love it here, but these animals have GOT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is worse than sibley could have ever been about animals. we have possums in our yard! we have foxes run thru the yard, skunks, and did i mention stupid disgusting creepy little mice are in our house now. UUGGHHHHH!!! i can't take it. first of all i am afraid a possum will eat my 2 little dogs...lol...irrational i am sure, but a concern yet the same. chili (the chihuahua) has little dog syndrome and chases everyhting in the world. oh yeah speaking of which, i forgot to mention there are more squirrels that people here also. back to the mice. i am so afraid of them i could choke to death. makes me feel like the house is dirty and not right. today we have cught the third one!!! yuk, yuk, yuk.... everyone's like its cold out, look where you live(between a grain plaice and bean place) ur bound to have them...WHY I ASK< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">ok, my ranting is over now.

and yes, we are living in alaska!! man it is terrible. both my boyz have had a turn freezing their feet up. chili was crying really hard one night-he chased a squirrel and was froze by the time he got up to the house. they are cold anyway since they are so little. never a small dog again---only big ones!!! my aunt lala has the perfect dog!! i am so in love and so jealous...she is husky and shepard--beautiful looks, perfect temperment, and soooooo loving and sweet and gentle...she is wonderful.

well today is another day of being in the house. i have not been out of the house since Sunday!!! while it is very nice, i need to get to Ralph's. I am feeling very bad about not being there. It has been too cold for heaven to walk and me for that matter the last few days. stuff that needs to be done. butt he good part is heaven and i get to play games and enjoy our time.

well, i hone everyone is staying warm and cozy as possible, happy friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ttyl, Tina

2009-01-13T13:18:00.002-06:00

hey all, happy Tuesday!! it is nice and sunny, only freezing!!! you know, i love the cold weather, but i am really starting to get used to the idea of liking spring and summer. i am ready for my garden, fires, sitting outside, and having the outside of the house look pretty-instead of drab. it's almost 1:30pm and feels like ti should be 8pm already. heaven (my niece that is living with us) had the flu allll night last night. puke, poop, puke, then more puke. thank goodness she is 10 and can make it to the bathroom and doesn't even want anyone in there with her. i stay outside the door. man, how could i have gotten any luckier? for those of you who don't know me---I CANT STAND PUKE. not even my own. my dearest sweet hubby helps me and cleans up after me when i am sick. thank goodness for him also!!!! she should be starting school tomorrow if no more pukey puke happens. she is really excited she gets to go to her old school again. i am excited for her. hoping that they can help her as much as they did before. only thing, i will not know what to do with my time when she is not here. Ralph will be happy that i can get back on track with him. i know he really depends on me.

just sitting around taking it easy pretty much today, hoping that the pains in my stomach are from digesting food instead of working up a puke fest. uugghhhh.... not a lot of stuff going on anymore. things are starting to slow down to normal. whatever that may be...lol.

well, i am getting really sleepy so i am gonna take a rest i think...hope you all have had a wonderful day and enjoy your night...be back soon....

2009-01-02T21:51:00.002-06:00

howdy!! long time to not hear from me!! man, been so vusy i can't think straight!! and can u even believe that the one minute i am typing there are 6 kids in my house. yes i said 6!!! from 12-5 years old. talk about a busy times. but it is soooo nice to hear the footsteps, the laughter, the hugs...i got sooo many tonight. man, zeus is even ready to drop!

so Christmas was wonderful!! how about yours? new years eve was awesome also. nothing like the love of friends to ring the new year in. we were home just in time to count down and we danced a slow dance in the living room then went to bed. new years day, we didnt even get out of our jammies, yes we took showers, and put new ones back on. it was really nice.

with our foster classes done all we have are our classes at church for 3 more weeks , time is easing up some--at least til next week when i have 25,000 phone calls to make. my niece has been staying with us for a week now, it is an indefinite amount of time she will be here. we are anxious to help her get the counseling and the things she is needing. long, long story. but i have made several appts, and still have several to make.

well, just thought i would post something since i havent in so long...hope u all have a great day. ttyl....

another week over...

2008-12-14T18:34:00.002-06:00

hey all...another week over, not many left in 2008...seems unreal. to briefly run over the week, it has been a good one i guess, we had our last of 9 classes for foster parenting saturday morning. i am sad its over, i will really miss interacting with people. i will also miss the ride and the discussions it prompted kyle and i to have. we talk a lot anyway, but it was tons more. now we just have to have one more home visit and wait for the license to come. then the kids, and even more to talk about... we have what is called an educational advocacy class this saturday. we have to take it sometime, so we chose to take it since it is the same instructors same place.

i went to ralphs today to take him his Christmas present. he is such a kid-like guy. asking me and asking me what i had for him. then when i take it to him because i feel like i am torturing him, he chooses to wait til the 24th so he has something to look forward to. i took him some coffee again and he just thinks that is the greatest. love to see him smile.

it has been such a good day. i am just overflowing with love. after a great morning at church, we spent the afternoon with my stepdaughter and since we havent seen her in awhile it was really nice to talk with her also. then we rode around and look at Christmas lights. i love to do that.

this is gonna be a busy week. kyle has to try and squeeze into parkland this week. since they are now only taking same day appt's-which really makes me angry-it is gonna be hard for him. how in the world do they expect people who work to got in there in the same day they call? kyle, like most people, has to schedule time off. gggrrrrr, that is just irritating to me. so much for the love huh? lol...

my nieces and nephews have Christmas programs 4 out of 5 nights this week. well have to see how many we can make it too. on the 28th i am keeping all 6 of my nieces and nephews for the night. i may regret it, but i want them all to know i love them and spend some special time with them before we get kids...one of them is having a really hard time with it. it's right after Christmas, so they will have plenty to do.

what's everyone doing for new years? we really dont have a clue yet. prob not much. renting movies and pizza maybe. just don't know. any resolutions going on in the minds. not me, just sets u up to feel bad if u dont do it.

oh and how can i forget this, my computer crashed--or so i thought. i had to restore it. lost everything!!!!!!!! lots of music and pics!!!!!! oh well, at least i have the computer. a little faster without all that junk on here also. i had to spend quite awhile updating it and installing messengers and stuff, but wayyyyy worth it.

well, guess i should go for now. gonna watch a movie and chill...hope you all have a great week and everyone is over their sickness...til next time...ttyl

me again...

2008-12-08T06:53:00.000-06:00

well, it is 5 til 7 in the morning and i have been cleaning since 5!!! trying to recover from the weekend of classes and cookies. i have to go to ralph's today also and recover his house from the weekend. you are probably wondering why i am cleaning so early in the morning....SO AM I!!!!!! i can't sleep. my mind is running a million miles per hour. about life, family, getting kids, on and on.... one thought sure leads to a million more. for some reason today i am feeling weight on my shoulders to get everything done right now!!! look, if i am doing dishes at 5:30am, anyone who knows me knows that there are issues, right momma b???? lol....

the weekend was good tho. kyle helped me bake and bake and bake, but the time in the kitchen together was really nice. time to talk and talk about everything. so that was friday, then we had class and delivered cookies saturday. i can't say how much i enjoy the love and hugs i get from everyone. their eyes light up and it makes me heart swell. we always talk about not doing it again, but when that day is over we know better. think we had 75 plates to deliver this year. it was awesome. the kids weren't fighting because we got smart and split the girls from the boys. however we were missing one important person that day. kayla-my stepdaughter. we really wanted her to be there with us, but it didn't work out. hopefully next year.

saturday night i went with some friends to dinner to celebrate their mom's birthday who has passed more than a year ago. it is the neatest thing ever. shows true amazing love for their mom and friend. it is just amazing the love you feel when with them.

sunday brought church and lunch withe aunt and uncle like we always do. that is so neat also. my family never does anything or ever did a special sunday dinner. it is really nice. then we cam home and watched some movies and did nothing!!! felt good yesterday, but then i couldn't sleep knowing all the stuff i had to do. hence the writing like crazy. did i mention that i ate tooooo many cookies yesterday?? man...you would think after cooking them i wouldn't eat them, but...not the case. i'll start my diet tomorrow...lol. right along with the exercise plan i try to encourage my hubby to start with me. tomorrow....

man can anyone believe that it is the 8th of december already??? what is going on? time just goes so fast. pretty soon it will be 2009!!! duh, yeah i know you know that, but i remember being in school and 2000 seemed ancient. now, 2009!!!!!!!!!

kyle's mom has to have another roto rooter surgery on her leg the beginning of january. and stints to open the veins up. her leg hurts her all the time and her feet are numb. not good. hopefully this will help....

this is our last week of homework for our foster classes. we have to meet a panel of people this time. and we will be done. well, not true we signed up for another class on the 20th to get it done and out of the way. it is with the same instructors, same place, most of the same people, and familiarity is everything to me. so we could possible have kids by february!!! we are ready for the challenge and are excited to help. we still have some things to get, but not much.

well, should get back to my house before i get lazy and stop working...hope you all had a great weekend, wish you the best of weeks, and take care.....

2008-11-30T19:14:00.000-06:00

Well, suppose we all have survived the holiday. Some better than others. The night before Thanksgiving, I was running crazy cleaning and preparing food, listening to music, talking tons with the hubby. Decided to check my myspace page and to my amazement, i find out that my whole family, which i had invited here originally, were getting together without me. While saddened by this, it was a little expected. Thanksgiving was a really good day. We ate, visited, played games, ate, ate, oh and did i mention ate some food. Me and the boyz crashed as soon as everyone left. Chili was not so happy with 17 people in the house. He only wanted him momma. Zeus on the other hand was loving it!! So many ears to lick-i know he's crazy-so many kids to play with. Even at one point the kids were throwing him in the air with a blanket. A good day with family.

Friday I went shopping with my mom-n-law and one of my nieces miss dis(nickname). We left later in the morning and it wasn't as crazy as i ever thought of. That was my first time going. Of course it was torture because I had no money to shop with. But it was nice to get out and watch people and eat lunch out.

Saturday we had the 7th of 10 classes. It's going pretty quick. It was also my birthday. A ripe old age of 36 now. Oh, well, with age comes wisdom, right? A lot of people called and emailed me to tell me happy birthday. It was nice to hear from everyone. I was disappointed because I wanted to get a few of our close friends together-not even for the b-day thing, just because it's been too long, and it didn't work out for anyone. Time just keeps ticking away. Maybe it will work out soon....

Sunday we stayed home from church. It is the first day since the beginning of October that we have not had to get up and leave in the morning. It was awesome!!!!!!! I forgot what it felt like to be home all day. Which is kind of a good thing because with all the eating i did today, I would be a lot heavier...lol.

My kitchen decor has a new addition to it. Some friends of mine made me a painting. It is sooooo neat. A hidden message in it and all. Everyone loved it on Thanksgiving. Fits perfectly!!! THANKS AGAIN!!!!!

I have to make a billion cookies this week for the cookie day we do every year. I have a list of all I am doing, and hope they all turn out good. At least my kitchen is three times the size now, makes it easier. We have been doing it for almost 20 years now. Last year we did almost 100 plates. Little plates sor single, regular plate for family. I enjoy watching the few of my most favorite older people just smile and glow when we hand it to them. Love the hugs I get that day.

We watched a movie today called the ultimate gift. It was really, really good. definitely an eye opener for some i am sure. If you get time watch it!!

Well off to change the laundry around yet again and do some reading before sleep time. Hope you all have a great week! Take Care.......................

thanksgiving prayer

2008-11-26T06:40:00.000-06:00

This is exactly what I wanted to say!!!

"MY THANKSGIVING PRAYER TO YOU"

My Thanksgiving prayer
to you from me;
Is for love strong and true
that you hold within thee.

A heart that beats steady
and holds love within;
For your brothers and sisters
and all creatures by Him.

A soul that is worthy
of all of His love;
That is given to you
from the Heavens above.

Food on your table
that you thank the Lord for;
Friends to surround you
forever and more.

A house filled with love
and the light how it shines;
Showing all of its beauty
till the end of time.

Kindness towards others
for all of your days;
To be returned I pray
in many a way.

A good job to keep you
and pay all your bills;
That you spend it all wisely
and not on the frills.

A family around you
that is loving and true;
That you all stand together
for there are so few.

Children to bless you
if that is God's will;
To cherish and nourish
so your life is fulfilled.

Dreams of pure beauty
as you lay there and sleep;
Through the peaceful night
when darkness is deep.

An angel to guide you
through morning and night;
To protect you and love you
till the end of your plight.

And last but most important
your love for God will shine through;
To the Heavens above
for He's waiting for you.

Amen and God bless!
~Author~

start of another week...

2008-11-24T08:30:00.000-06:00

good morning all...hope you had had a great weekend!!!! it was nice being with the fam and laughing it up(along with freezing ur rearend off watching the lighted parade) saturday. the parade was good, but it keeps getting shorter and shorter. i am sure with the expense of everything else, who is thinking of adding more.

ready for thanksgiving? i suurrreee ammmm!!!!!!!! laying out my turkey today and getting my bread drying for the dressing. and i guess i am a little more thanksful this year for everything.

gotta do some cleaning then go work at Ralph's from 1-3. gonna make supper and take him some and set up one of my 3 foot trees at his house and decorate it and watch Christmas Vacation with him. he loves the movie and he loves Christmas. he doesnt have any family that really does anything for the holidays so....i cant wait to see the bog kid smile on his face....

well, gonna get busy...hope you all have a safe and blessed week...enjoy your family....

look out lots to say....

2008-11-21T07:27:00.000-06:00

hey, well, it's been a while again...i am sooo busy lately...i just posted some pics on my myspace (http://www.myspace.com/tina32799) of the festival of trees that my mom-n-law and i went to yesterday. it was sooo nice, and it helped the baby fold in bloomington that my niece went to school at for years. the trees were very pretty, we sang Christmas songs loudly all the way home. definitely in the spirit. for the first time ever, i am not worried about gifts. if i can get them fine, and if not, oh well. gifts are not the reason. i will be happy to be with my family and be glad we are all together. i don't feel the holiday pressure at all. i am loving the lights, taking to strangers, smiling to everyone, and trying to make a difference. of course some of u r thinking "well u dont have kids", but really, honestly, i think i would feel the same way. if i did have kids i would prob feel more that way. i would influence them to give to people before wanting for themselves. i am trying to do that with my nieces and it's not working so well. they mad their huge Christmas list and i suggested that they buy for children in need and they looked at me like i was crazy!! which maybe i am, but i just see soooo many things that people need and i am wanting to make a difference, HUGELY!!!!

which leads me to my next thing. i am in the process of building a website that lists the smaller places and the smaller needs of communities. the perfect website to give is justgive.org---it is just what i wanted to do on a larger level. i want to encourage people to give all year round, like 5-10$ a month all year. we all waste more than that. people don't just need at the holidays, it is just more focused on. i really feel the need to get this done. i want it to be as big as it can be. like to list the churches, food pantries, and such in small towns all over illinois(to start with) that need stuff to help people. i am broke, but you know, no matter how broke, i have wayyyyy more than a lot of people. emotionally, financially, family, love, etc... i just want to do something that makes a difference...man, there is so much i want to say, but i don't want to bore you...

now on to other stuff...wooohooo the lighted holiday parade is tomorrow!!! i agree with snot head. the lights, the love, the excitement...even the cold is part of it...

my mom-n-laws long time friend had a heart attack after having a heart cath and stints put in. i really hope she is ok and all goes well, for her, her hubby, and her family. wishing them the best.

well, guess i should get busy. no time just sit type all my feelings out, that would take days and days....wishing you all the best and a wonderful day!!

hi....

2008-11-13T12:31:00.000-06:00

hey all...a lot going on around here...the sadness is awful, the ?'s, the not understanding. the visitation is tomorrow night which we will be going too. they are awful. with most of us, it puts us back at the loss of a loved one.

then after that my sister is bringing my niece heaven over to stay the weekend with us. i am excited, maybe even more so since the latest happenings. you just never know what can happen. i want them (and everyone that i love) that i love them and value them in my life. this is the first time in along time taht she will be without cass, her little sister. we have to have a sitter for sat morning because that will be the 5th of the 9 classes for our foster parenting classes. how exciting...i can't wait to help the life of a child(ren). to show love and have them feel safe without being hurt, hungry, or sad. and yes, i know a lot goes along with it, but we are focusing on the good parts.

went with my mom-n-law last night to the red cross to become volunteers. kyle is also. anyhting we can do to help the fellow man. we are gonna provide disaster relief. 1st starting here and then maybe nationwide depending on the above conversation. of course there are classes to take at every level.

well, as usual i could talk forever. was talking kyle's ear off while home for lunch, talked to both my sister and my sister-n-law already today, and a friend for just a few minutes. i have to go work at ralph's today. kyle was off work yesterday and we surprised him with a cup of coffee and a couple games of yahtzee. he loves that game. he is so neat to be around. no matter what you are feeling, you leave there with a big smile on your face and love in your heart.

don't know about the rest of you, but from now til new years is packed!! heaven this weekend, class and the lighted parade next weekend-which i am too help the church with the tree for the festival of trees and make chili to sell that night. that night our family always gets together for dinner and watched the parade together. the 20th my mom-n-law goes back to the dr about her arteries in her leg. the next weekend is my birthday and movie night at the church. i am having thanksgiving here for kyle's family here on the 27th and then a full thanksgiving on the 30th here with my family. then the 6th of dec is cookie day and dinner with my friend and the girls for her mom's b-day. then the 13th is the last class for foster care and the festival of lights in peoria-that i am going to for the first time ever!!! woooohoooo. and, and, and....guess you really don't care what i have going on in detail. it's just me blabbing on and on....and on..and on....no one to talk to at this minute so i am babbling.

wishing you all the love and peace your heart can feel. hug your loved ones, kiss your spouse, and tell everyone you love them. have a blessed day!!! give me a shout if ya get a chance...

today...sadness, sickness

2008-11-11T20:32:00.000-06:00

as i sit here and think of the loss the mom's of these girls are feeling, i am sick. it feels like a punch in the stomach every time when i think of them already having Christmas presents for them. waiting for them to come in after school and throw their book bags down and get on the phone from the girlfriends they just left. 8th grade graduation, drivers license, prom, graduation, college, marriage, grandkids, i am sickened in the heart. sickened by the hugs, kisses, tears of joy and pain these moms are not gonna get to share with the people who are supposed to outlive them. a terrible tragedy that has hurt the community and people you dont even realize. i know God has a plan. and sometimes pain is a part of that, but it doenst make it any easier to deal with. the only thing is that they dont have to wait a whole year to have the first the Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, Valentines day without them. I am not a mom, but my heart aches and aches and is broken into many pieces for the loss they are feeling. and their families and friends. sometimes friends are your chosen family. and the pain of loss is just sometimes too much.....

slowing down

2008-11-04T20:54:00.000-06:00

hey all!!! wow, where do i even start? guess would be the feelings of sadness for my friends that are feeling so much pain in the heart about their mom, and the loss that momma b was talking about. i haven't had much time lately and don't want anyone to feel like i don't care...iiiiii doooooo!!!! i have also lost my dad already and the newer, improved me wishes that i would have felt this way a long time ago and had been able to tell him. so i understand. i look back and things were not near as bad as i thought then or even a few years ago. all in what you experience i guess. anyway, i am feeling the sadness for them.

as of today, i am just a volunteer at the store again, so i will be home A LOT more!!! i am sooo happy about that. again, i haven't had much time to talk to my friends lately, so this will be nice. i am still taking care of my buddy. but that is only like 10 hours a week.

this saturday will be the 4th class of 10. almost half way!! they started out being common sense, and for the most part still is, but i am really glad they are a requirement. the different scenarios will help me step back and think, when we do have kids, of what they have been thru and feeling. i have started doing this for everyone since the classes started. it's not black and white with these kids-they have a truckload of luggage wrapped with twice as many feelings they don't know how to deal with. i know we can make a difference.

brace yourselves---i have allllll of my Christmas stuff up as of today!! inside and outside lights, tree, all of it. i know, i know, it's early, but i love the lights and why not? and when everyone else is doing it when it is 30 degrees out, our will be done. i have some friends coming tomorrow and the theme is giving, so why not have the spirit with us? also, my feelings of Christmas are much different than ever before. am making a few goodies for the get together tomorrow. choc chip pumpkin cookies, a cheese ball, pumpkin bars, and maybe some popcorn bars. not sure yet.

i am listening to the election in the background....uugghhhh....can't wait for it to be over and am really disappointed about obama. have some reservations about him. and that's all i am gonna say about that. you know the politics thing...tends to make people angry.

well, guess i will go for now since i will have more time again, wishing you all the best in all you do!!!! TTFN!!!!

classes, classes, classes

2008-10-18T19:49:00.000-05:00

hey, whats up? just thought i would try to catch up a little bit. never have time to just sit and type. lets see, we had our baptisms last Sunday. it went very well. we had half the church filled with friends and family, that was awesome!!! even more so, the experience was. we had dinner at aunt Carla's after that and it went well also. a little scary when u mix families sometimes. a very good day it was. we now start taking classes tomorrow at church to learn more and to become members is the goal. very exciting.

Last Thursday the DCFS lady was here to inspect the house. that also went very well. we actually started our classes today. the last for 9 weeks on Saturdays. it is definitely gonna be a challenge, but it will be worth it. for those of you that know me, i am a freak about planning and such, so this scheduling classes and homework for this class, the one at church, and my health class, and 2 jobs is about to send me over the edge planning wise. revise, revise, revise!!!! at least it is a good busy, and nothing like we used to be. you know that planning thing, i already have a crib, you know 3-5 months in advance. not too early. it was just such a good deal. and i am a little excited. it won't be without hard work as we know. we just cant wait too help.

i am going to see my nieces heaven and cass tomorrow. i can't wait!! i have gotten to see my other nieces and nephews a couple times this week. so, we are gonna squeeze some time out to get some love from them.

i realized tonite, that i really am starting to care a lot for the guy i am taking care of. i am taking him lunch tomorrow-lasagna, garlic bread, and a slice of pumpkin pie. he is so nice and caring. always teasing me. the little things with him are appreciated soooooo much. little milestones that matter. he drinks (used too) cola alll day and night. i have been after him to drink water and for the last few days, he has!!! there has been soda in his fridge all week!! yes i know it's little, but he is listening and hopefully gonna help him in the long run. we play cards or Yahtzee every time i am there. he really gets so excited that even i get excited and smiley. its awesome. his back was hurting him really bad today and you could see the pain on his face, and it actually really hurt my feelings for him. gonna pray extra hard tonight.

i am also already planning my thanksgiving meal. we have anew recipe book and i am making several things out of it. i am very excited about that!!! i love to cook big meals for lots of people. it is unfortunate that i cant do it more often for our friends. life is just busy for all. i hate that saying...makes me crazy...time just goes sooo fast and i don't want it to get past anyone i love!!!

well, i guess i should be reading either my health or foster training book. the week will be up before you know it.

wishing you all the very best...have a great week and show or tell everyone you love that you do!!!! til i write again....Tina

2008-10-12T07:41:00.000-05:00

hi all!! me again. you know the one who has had a chance to catch up with herself. had a few days off of both little jobs, the house ic clean, carpets shampooed, etc. we are awaiting the visit from the DCFS worker to inspect our house. we are trying to become foster parents!! we just really want to help. so why not start with the innocent children? we'll see, it takes quite awhile and i am not much for patience, better now than i ever have been.

we are getting ready for church this morning. we are getting Baptized!! i am actually not even very nervous like i usually would be. my mom is coming, some of our friends, my sis-n-law with her hubby and 5 kids, an aunt from bloomington, and our uncle is also getting baptized. should be a wonderful fulfilling day!

My mom has/is really unhappy/sad. that is a story tooooo long for me to even begin to type but i made her a cd of Christian songs, bought her a couple books about faith and such, and a journal. I hope they help her find herself again.

well, need to get off here and shower and pack my extra clothes. i wish you all the best of days...tina

busy, busy, busy

2008-10-06T10:50:00.000-05:00

hey!!, man, it has been awhile since i have actually been able to sit long enough to type anything!!! not only do i work at the store uptown, but now i take care of a handicapped man for about an hour and a half 6 days a week. he is very sweet and like a child. i pretty much had to wear a hazmat suit at first(so not kidding), but now it's clean and getting organized. it is uplifting to help someone!! makes me even more grateful for everything i am and have(not material stuff).

life is wonderful...this is the weekend we are getting baptized. we are having a dinner at our aunt's after. really hoping that all my family will come and be with me. I am really hoping that my family can get back on track and be a real family. really supporting, loving, trusting, and reliable(not just going thru the motions). not to mention that since our wedding (and the breaking of my neck-2yrs ago) it is the last time our families have been together. hopefully until thanksgiving, because i am having it at my house. we'll see, i am hopeful. any suggestions would be appreciated on helping this along would be wonderful.

so, back to breaking my neck. i was stupidly intoxicated and thought it would be a great idea to dive from the ladder about a foot above the pool into 4 ft of water. did not call 911-another stupid thing. i don't remember anything but the pain. and ooohhh the pain. indescribable. i am so blessed and thankful that i am ok. i have no long term issues from it. no surgeries or anything. only had to wear the collar for 4 months!! definitely a miracle. i didn't live like i was appreciative, but now i am!!!

well, the big boy is on his way home for lunch, so i am gonna go for now. can't wait to give him a hug!! hope you all have a blessed wonderful day!!! talk to you soon.

off to work...

2008-09-30T09:50:00.000-05:00

well, good morning all!!! hope you are having a blessed day. the weather is awesome, i love the chilly mornings, makes me feel alive. when i am usually lazy int he mornings this weather makes me move. i have already showered, walked the boyz with fur twice what i normally do, and made several phone calls. i am off to work at noon. i actually am putting in 23 hours this week. not much to some, but that is the most if more than 5 years for me. i drag my feet going, but once i am there, i really enjoy it. a lot of little old ladies come and and chat-makes their day and mine. as for the big boy, he really made my day, i got up this morning to find a note that said"good morning hope your day is blessed i love you"!!!! man, i smiled so big and i feel so loved. you know, it really is the simple things. we have really been through a positive change in the last 6-7 weeks. we started going to church, got saved,are getting baptized in a couple weeks, and joining the church. it has been the most peaceful, relaxing, wonderful feeling ever. our church is so relaxed and the pastor is down to earth, it just feels right. anyway, not to go on and on, but just rying to express the good feelings. ohh and by the way, i seen a mistake i made in the last blog, i said "foreproof" and i meant fireproof". that's what i get for being in a hurry and not proofreading. well off to do a little more around the house before i go, wishing you alll the best, Tina

man was it hot!!!!

2008-09-27T22:27:00.000-05:00

well, it is 10;30 and we are finally getting to rest, uugghhh. just took the kids with fur for a walk, they had so much energy built up we were basically jogging, to make up to them for us being gone a lot today. it was soooo hot at the apple and pork fest!!! i can't even describe the feeling except for now i know what a chicken feels like above a fire. i love to watch people, and ohhh the people. that was the busiest i have ever seen it. my crazy niece stood in line for well over and hour for kettle corn!!!!!! no way, not ever, would i wait that long in line. the food and drink lines were just as long, so we ate at hardees. wow have their burgers changed and they bring your food to you!! who knew, not me. we stopped going there years ago when the food was DISGUSTING. suppose they'll pay me for the free advertisement, amybe some free burgers? lol, anyway, didn't buy anything except a beaded necklace with a cross on it. had several compliments on it all day. we came home long enuff to sneak in a short nap (or heat exhaustion whichever it was). then off to the movie "foreproof". it was really good, not dry eye in the place, even the boys were crying. a really good show for married or single people alike. it is amazing how right on the feeling of peace and love you actually feel. so, off to the couch for a few before hitting the hay...good night

2008-09-27T08:48:00.000-05:00

good morning! well a good start into the weekend. made some homemade apple butter before the football game here last night(which i really don't get into, but my niece was dancing and a cousin was playing, so what do you do?), then after made a huge pot of homemade veg-beef soup. yummy yummy!!! the soup is for after church tomorrow. we are on our way to the apple and pork festival in clinton in a few minutes. the hubby, mom-n-law, and one of my nieces. can't wait for the fall feeling, so many pumpkins and scarecrows, i love it-wooohooo!!! tonight we are going tot he movie fireproof with our church, i am also very excited about that. it is gonna be really good. i will let you know what i think tomorrow or monday. so, you know that with all this running, the laundry and the dishes are piling up, uugghhh. oh well, quality time first!! i hope you all have a wonderful day and enjoy the awesome weather!!! smile, hakuna-matata(no worries for those who haven't seen lion king), and have a blessed day...talk to you all later......

happy tuesday!!

2008-09-23T09:38:00.000-05:00

good morning all--hope u r having a wonderful day. just sitting here listening to Ellen. today is the beginning of my temp job. it is 4 days one week and 5 the next, lasting about 8 weeks. my boyz are gonna be so mad at me. i feel a lot of acting out coming on. can't wait!!! the weekend went really well. i did get everything done and had a good time with the family on Saturday. the hay rack ride lasted about an hour this time and kyle actually got to ride with me instead of driving. the day with friends was a bust on Sunday...we had a few that didn't cancel, but i told them just to enjoy the day and not worry about coming. it was actually nice to relax.

well, complete change of subject...my cuz dillon is at the driver's license bureau right now getting his license. not a big deal to some, but i took care of him when he was born. i can't believe how fast these kids are growing up (and how old we are getting)!!! time sure waits for nothing.

anyone else really happy that this is premier week? back to the weekly schedule of the TV. not that it is a priority, but we watch when we can. i have to record dancing with the stars because it conflicts with other shows we watch.

well, i could talk forever today. might have to get back on later this eve only after i send the pics to everyone who is waiting for them. i will get it done!!! gotta get ready to go...hope you have a blessed day!!!

2008-09-18T19:50:00.000-05:00

hi all...well here I go again rambling. hope everyone is having a great day today. I was blessed with good company most of the day and then a pleasant surprise visit from my nieces and nephews. I have gotten all my cleaning done (amazing in itself, the ADD usually kicks in and I have started 12 things and get 2 done), walked the little boyz, and now ready to pamper myself with all the girly stuff we women have to do, you know shave, pluck, bleach, paint nails, etc...while Kyle is at the church helping lay tile. All my lists are ready for tomorrow's venture of grocery shopping-wooohooo. For those of you who don't know me, I hardly get to leave town, so grocery getting (as mundane as some people see it) is a wonderful day to me. In fact, I will up pretty much all night with anticipation of leaving, sad huh? oh well, I am easy to please. Another thing I am doing tomorrow is taking food to the mission in Bloomington. They are usually feeding 800 people this time of year and they are feeding 6,000!!! How sad to me. I called and talked to them and asked what they needed most right now. The lady said canned soup, veggies, fruit, and jelly along with lunch meat and cheese for the sack lunches they give out. So, if you are in the bloomington area and feel the need to help, PLEASE DO!! We all have it much better than we think. A few can of this and that will feed someone. I hope to help on a regular basis and hope that with the help of my friends and family, we can make a difference. I remember growing up very poor and a lot of times the donated stuff was all we ate. Anyway, I am hoping to make a difference. Well wish you all the best and hope you have a great evening!!! Tina

Giving it a try

2008-09-17T09:03:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am very new to this, but I am giving it a try. First I would like to say that I would love your comments and feedback. I spend a lot of time alone so I hope I do not bore you with the hum drum of my life, but this will help keep my busy. Hey and before you know it, you just might think I am crazy. Which, most of my firends already know that. Today is sort of the calm before the storm. Tomorrow I have to clean house really good for the weekend. We have two huge get togethers over the weekend. Friday, my mom-n-law, sister-n-law and I are going to groceries and out for dinner. When I say groceries, I mean like a church bus full of groceries. We will end up leaving with half of walmart and aldis. Firday night, my dearest friend's mom will have been gone for a year. We are getting together for coffee and love at her grave that evening, spending some time with her friends and family. I can't begin to feel her loss of friendship, support, and unconditional love. I am hoping that she will feel the love and support from all of us to help her and her sister through, not just now, but forever. ok, now that my eyes are filled with ginormous tears..I am moving on. Saturday we have a fall family picnic at the Sibley Lake Park for my husbands side of the family, which includes a weenie roast, hay rack ride, chili, and all the good stuff fall has to offer along with the company of the family we don't get to see very much. Then on Sunday, we are having "a day with friends". We invited all our friends and their kiddies. There are a lot of kids with them all, and with any luck, one of the will take care of me when i am old and crusty. We are grilling and roasting hot dogs. Anyway, just to celebrate friends, kids, life and love. My goal is to do this often to keep everyone close forever. So that sums up the rest of my week. Did I mention that I am a habitual planner and list writer? I have more lists than Carter had liver pills...no really I do...there is the groc list split into sections for each store (frozen, produce, etc), there is the list of who is coming, what to take (food untesils, me), a list of cleaning I want to do, a list of what to do on Monday after the fact, and, and, and, lists everywhere...see I am crazy!!! Oh in that same notebook is the budget from now til december, Christmas list ideas, the girly get together I am trying to plan for next month, the cookie exchange in december, the Halloween party list of everything needed for it, list of songs that I am gonna burn to a cd, man...when I write it here it sounds a little nuts, too bad there are even more lists in it that I have not mentioned. Oh well, have to keep my brain straight, or no sleepy sleep time!! Well, that's it for now I guess. Hope you have a wonderful, blessed day!!