as i sit here and think of the loss the mom's of these girls are feeling, i am sick. it feels like a punch in the stomach every time when i think of them already having Christmas presents for them. waiting for them to come in after school and throw their book bags down and get on the phone from the girlfriends they just left. 8th grade graduation, drivers license, prom, graduation, college, marriage, grandkids, i am sickened in the heart. sickened by the hugs, kisses, tears of joy and pain these moms are not gonna get to share with the people who are supposed to outlive them. a terrible tragedy that has hurt the community and people you dont even realize. i know God has a plan. and sometimes pain is a part of that, but it doenst make it any easier to deal with. the only thing is that they dont have to wait a whole year to have the first the Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, Valentines day without them. I am not a mom, but my heart aches and aches and is broken into many pieces for the loss they are feeling. and their families and friends. sometimes friends are your chosen family. and the pain of loss is just sometimes too much.....
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I have been thinking about this a lot, but I am not close to the family, as I was in the tragedy that struck last week, so I could not figure out how to post on it. Or maybe, I could not see through my tears! Damn, I was bawling and sick! I called K, because I know she is, or has been rather, blinded by fear in her life situations. I told her more than anything I am being selfish. I immediately get the feeling that this could have been my kid. I could have allowed Z to stay somewhere and a confused parent could call me and tell me that it was too late for him and that they really did do all that they could. I can wrap my mind around this and it is horrifying. I am getting to be too good at putting myself in the shoes of others, where pain is concerned. I was devastated over the loss of my friend's son, Z's friend's dad, and I was riddled by grief and pain for the family. This is so much more appalling, because it sounds like these girls knew what was going on and were just plain unable to get out. I imagine the horror on a mother's lips and face as she tries desparately to make things ok. The crying child. I just can't take it. Knowing what is about to happen...
Sorry.
So sorry.
The pain must be life ending.
And yet, she has to wake up this morning and start it all over again.
I imagine this is what hell is like.
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