crazy!!

CRAZY!! Yes crazy. Sooo much running through the mind I almost feel crazy!! Most of it is my family..surprise surprise--i know ..really!! lol. I just don't have anywhere to start. Then i could go on forever and ever. Nothing is ever accomplished with them. I did get a call from our licensing worker yesterday-because of Heaven's issues, we will be licensed for 11 and up. When she goes home then they will switch it to babies again. She knows hoe much I want to adopt a baby. Bur most of our time and attention is spent on heaven. She counts as 2-3 children already they said. I am not complaining, she is my family and I love her DEARLY. Only she doesn't realize how much she hurts feelings at all. After talking with the worker and actually hearing (I already knew, but to hear it is different) the baby would be put off for awhile Heaven came home from shool is one of her most oppositional moods and was really hurtful. Mind you at her house she does not get half the attention (positive anyway) or half the things she has gotten used to here. She is on the phone with her mom saying i have to get home this weekend, i have to get our of here, they are mean to me, i cna't stand it here. all the while i am trying to explain to myself in my head this is what she does, she is very hurtful sometimes, she is just playing the sides against each other, but i felt my heart wanting to explode!!! when she got off the phone, i let her have it. I told her how much she hurt my feelings and how we are not mean to her and we don't yell that we explain things, and that how is it so bad here with the nice room she has, the tv, the eating out, and mostly the love the she gets from us both. Then i started to cry..uugghhh, i hate that. But it is soooo hard to hear that from someone of who you sacrifice so much for that she doesnt like it here. Which she loves it here just says things to hurt. I wouldn't change it, but yesterday it all hit me. It all hit at once, and i wasn;t feeling good on top of it. Seems as tho feelings are 10x more sensitive when u don't feel good. And then to find out while I was crying that my mom has no place to live now!! UUGGHHHH. For those of you wo do not know my family I am sorry that you don't understand a lot of this, but for those of you who do---HEEELLLPPPP!!!!!! My ungrateful witchy kittle sister who has a four bedroom house with a full basement won't even let her stay. The other sister who has a 3 bedroom house with extra epople living there already has offered mom and a long time fam friend to live there--she has a heart. I already have Heaven and our lease says no one else can live here and we have our workers coming in and out all the time anyway. which means if someone else was staying we could not get licensed!! Ugghhh. Oh well enought about my family!! If I let it, it will make me crazy!!! Crazy Crazy Crazy i tell ya. So I don't let it...most of the time...lol

How about the sunshine? It is a beautiful day!!! I am gonna take the boyz for a walk in a bit and maybe go to Ralph's, we'll see.

I am with 3DNP on the camping. There is nothing like just getting away!!! The sound and smell of a fire is soo therapeutic!! Fishing and hiking!! Just away from the everyday!! I hope to get further away this year, go someplace we have not been before.

Kyle is on his 4th day of trying to not smoke. he has had only a few a day instead of a million. He is doing good but it is so very hard for him!!! Tomorrow is the day he has none!! Look out I might be looking for a place to live for awhile. He can get rude and ruthless when he tries to quit. He apologizes beforehand because of how hard it is on him. He actually get sick also.. So glad I never ever smoked.

Well off to enjoy the rest of the day. Alot to do in a short time! Wishing you all a great happy fantastic weekend!!!! Talk to ya soon...