up in the air

ok, i finally have about .3 seconds to post something so here goes--

well last week flew by. tons to do in a short time and a million and 3 ?'s going on in my head. what is she thinking? what does she look like? wonder if she would even open up enough to talk to us(they said she was very shy). a person could about run themselves crazy. seemed like from 12p-3p went by in like 15 minutes. then she called-is she canceling? does she not want to come? a ton of thoughts in the 2 seconds to answer the phone. she said " were in gc and on 5th st, how do we get to ur house"-i could have barfed!! lol...craziness...tina get a hold of yourself is all i could say. so they pull up...my heart is pounding-i can only begin to imagine what she is feeling. whatever i was feeling i knew she was feeling 12x as much. i just wanted to hug her-but u r not supposed too. so i didn't. she and the worker came in and introduced us and left. really it was that quick. she was standing at the door with her head down for prob 10-15 minutes not talking at all. then finally she sat on the couch. for at least 45 minutes there was not a word from her. i however was trying as hard as i possible could not to BOMB her with ?'s...trust me it was not easy. i showed her the room and the house...we just sat there in silence. finally i told her "look i am so nervous/excited that i can't take it-can we talk?" she started opening up a little. very little. i wanted to cry for her. i know the number of times she as done this. and can't imagine. i just wanted to convey to her that we would never hurt her and there are good people that can love her. so, just as soon as she started to open up , she went to the room and made her bed(we let her pick which one she wanted). she laid out her clothes for the next day. then my dearest most loving hubby came home. he asked her if she was hungry and conversation took off from there. we talked a lot. we got supper and took it to the park. came back and played monopoly, are you smarter than a 5th grader, and chilled. about 10:40ish papi went to bed. she asked me to watch a movie with her so we started it and she fell asleep. the next morning she slept in (which she said she usually sleeps til noon) but the dogs woke her up. her and i played yahtzee, mad gab(not the right way) and kyle came home from work. he chimed in on the games and then we grilled lunch. while we were doing lunch we played that velcro ball game-first me then kyle. then we had to take her home. she lives in a house with TONS of people. 4 other foster kids, the ladies grand-daughter, daughter, husband, their 2 kids and she is pregnant, and a foster child that came back after out of the system. not including the billion people in and out in a day. the foster mother was really neat. said all kinds of nice things to us. told us some about her. and we left. we talked for a few miles and then silence. just lost in our thoughts. our fears. wondering what she was thinking. what was she feeling as we drove away. our ideas of a family. how hard it is to not have a family. i long to see our child. his eyes, my nose, my attitude, his compassion. we just held hands and rode. i love him so much. (even tho i may want to choke him now and again)

don't get me wrong, i know this has happened for a reason. and most likely it is so we can help heaven. i am ok with it. i really am. she really needs help. but nonetheless-it hurts.

so on to other stuff...oh wait, one more thing...now we just have to wait and see if she wants to come back then they will call.

ok, we are now helping with our youth group starting this thursday. which rocks!! i am nervous, but kyle is in all his glory. he has awesome things planned with a meaning behind them. he is really growing...and man have we changed. still surprises me sometimes. i would never have believed we would be where we are even a year ago.

we had "get out of church day" yesterday. it was awesome. we were split into teams and went out to minister and pray for people. there were people at harpers pumping gas and washing windows, a team at the annex, a team at mcdonalds, the laundry mat, and county market giving out gift certificates, and the kids were doing a free car wash. it was really neat. we are definitely doing it again.

kyle went to melvin to help clean a ladies yard and i was sent with another girl to the manor. now for those of you who know me-the unknown scares the living daylights out of me. i don't like to talk in front of people, especially praying. i didn't know this girl either. might i say i was excited but nervous as all get out. pastor nick is really trying to help me and encourage me to get out of my comfort zone. that's where he says i will be at my best. that's why he didn't pair me with kyle. i thanked him for doing that. it was an awesome experience. we talked to and prayed for 90% of the people in there. we shed lots of tears. and i know that my time needs to be spent more wisely so maybe i can spend time with some that are so lonely. i have been there a million times. this time was different. this time Jesus went before me, gave me strength, and sent his love thru me. it was powerful.

after that we flew to miller park for cassy's b-day party/cookout. we were only almost 2 hours late. we hurried. it was nice to be in the nice breeze and be with the fam. i will put pics on facebook later.

so there you have it, our very emotional, fantastic, awesome weekend. i hope you all had a great weekend!! thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. have a blessed day! luv, me