Thursday, April 23, 2009

anxious beyond belief

ok, i always pick the worst times to be on here...i realize i have not posted in like three weeks. so i am going to share the inner ramblings of my brain in hopes to release. please be prepared-it may not make sense, you may not be able to follow, you may get bored while reading it, and you just may feel like me after reading it. i apologize in advance.

the reason it is the worst time is because i a have a trillion and 3 things to get done today and tomorrow. you know just a few, call the vet-chili's rabies injection spot is really hard and swollen, call about a tiller (whenever we can sqeeze that time in before it decided to rain again), clean my house from top to bottom, shampoo the carpets and the furniture, breathe, go clean the church from 3:45-6, spray on some perfume and fly to the open house at the elementary tonight, pack heaven's bag, get her mentally prepared, and the list goes on. (as i know it does for everyone, "ahem", but this is about me right

i am replaying heaven's IEP over and over in my head. feel so bad for her and the pain she is gonna have to endure while growing up all while hoping the anger chooses not to surface-or if it does be able to be dealt with. she is really frustrated with me because of the rules and limits we put on her, but the are necessary for safety reasons. if any of you watche criminal minds--i was flabbergasted while watching it last night..the similiarities were uncanny. she has progressed a lot and is doing wuite well they said, but she has a long road to go...never a public school...of course we are not giving up--i am just venting. we talk, talk, talk, talk, til we can not talk anymore about life skills everyday. that is another good thing-she is really opening up. i hope she can release and release til she feels better. There are a lot of people praying for her and all things are possible with GOD!!

ok, on to the next thing in the ole brainster-our pre-placement visit!! she will be here tomorrow!! tomorrow!!! tomorrow-i love you slip of the brain...i am wondering how she is feeling? will she accept us? what does she like to do? what does she look like? will she feel comfy with us? and trust me the list goes on for 642 questions that are bouncing from one side to the other. nervous. excited. emotional. overflowing with love.

we had an impromptu cookout last night-which rocked by the way. my mom-n-law, sis-n-law, all 5 her kiddies, 2 of my friend's kiddies, and us. it's been awhile since we all have grilled out. man was it overdue. i love a house full of kids, the laughter, the footsteps, the hugs, and yes even the dealing witht he fighting. only can't handle puke!! the i yell 'oh honey (while gagging) hellllpppp". and might i say the peanut butter pie recipe from a friend was delicious!!! definitely gonna be made lots here. is that gonna work and lose weight? lol.....

you know what..i am disappointed...the house is not magically cleaning itself while i am sitting here...why? where is the cleaning lady? hello? well guess the lazy lady did not show up again...uugghhhh...all of it is back on that...

and the add is on full force....i am trying to stay focused and i am trying to think of a poem to write for the child that comes here, want to make her a hat(you know 2 more hours of something i need to get done), thinking of things to put in the bulletin(that i am not making for the church), trying to stay focused on staying focused, need to call mom today, hhmm-what all am i gonna put in the garden? how should i do that? dang it tina-stay focused!!! need to do devotionals-that just may help me to calm down. need to pray..that will help me calm down. oh yeah just looked around the room need to water the plants.

you crazy yet? i think i just might be!! lol....nahhh-just excited.

ok, i am going now. i am gonna blare a WBGL cd of my fav songs to relax too, oh yeah, need to make a cd for aunt lala...ok, back to signing off. "this is the slightly insane, extreme loving, peace-seeking, Slim Shady P (as kyle calls me) signing off for the day. may you all have a blessed, fantastic, happy, wonderful day. Peace out!!"


Momma B said...

Calm down, Slim Crazy! You are going to need one of those special jackets, if you don't make a list! Yep, I said it! Make a list--only one--and follow it to a tee!

You will be ooooook!

I hope she loves it there. I will be praying for ease of defenses for her and lack of questions for you, so you will both have peace of mind during your first meeting!

Have a more calm day than what you have so far!

Snot Head said...

I can only imagine your excitement and fears all packed into one ball. Momma B is right. Make a list, which I am sure you already did. ;o) It will be ok. There is love gushing out of you, and you have eternal patience. I have no worries on that front.

I too will pray for her comfort and your crazy mind! Congratulations. It is fantastic to watch some of your dreams come true.

kekee73 said...

You are an awesome person and you guys worked hard on becoming foster both have big hearts and a deep desire to help children. So good luck to you guys you will be great.