Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!  May you have all the food your tummy can fit, all the love your heart can hold, all the hugs your arms can handle.  and remember that we are thankful for you!  God Bless!!  Love, Kyle and Tina, B, and M  :)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

toads, veggies, school, and sleeping


Behold---the old beverage cooler that used to hold "adult beverages" for several people now contains toads, crickets, and grass!!! Yep you guessed it...the youngest, M, as we were tearing down the rest of the plants in the garden was catching everything she could find.



This is Zeus walking around with bird feathers on his nose as he was vacuuming up the bird food...lol




here are the contents of the beverage cooler...

see anything that doesn't belong?

Align Center

our wonderful 11 punkins from our one plant that took over the neighbor's yard.


Zeus snuggling with kyle


chili was sleeping leaning on kyle's head...



enough of the pics. on to everything else. we now have two kiddies!! woot woot!!! it is awesome. it is amazing how fast the heart can love. she is totally different thatn b, but the same. they get along wonderfully. i'm hooked. wish we had room for sooo many more.

the garden is all done except for 2 jalapeno plants, 1 green pepper plant, and 1/2 of the cherry tomato plant. only a little sad it's over this time.

can you believe it, i got to register kids for school!! woot, woot!! i got to go school shopping!! it was an amazing feeling. they said it was like Christmas. it is such an amazing feeling. i love having them here. i love the smiles, the hugs, and i can't even begin to describe the feeling of being called "mom." it is indescribable. brings tears to my eyes a lot. and i can only thank God for the gifts. and His plan.

we just got back from swimming at aunt carla's. i love swimming. and there was only 8 of us in the pool tonight!! we have all of tonda's kiddies tonight also. i want this many kids all the time!!!!!!!!!! so does kyle. actually we want 8-10.

we have had something going on every night this week and up until wednesday of next week we have something going on!! busy, busy!!

k, well, best get off here. i am not spending near as much time on this thing as i used too!! hope you all have a great, wonderful, fantastic, loving night.






Monday, August 3, 2009

been awhile

realized it has been a month since i have blogged. man time flies. i think, oh i'll do it tomorrow, then i never do. so here is blog to let you know that i do still exist. k, great, have a nice day. i'll write more in a day or two........

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

sad and ashamed

i am so ashamed of myself.
why did i not tell her?
how could i not think that it would surface?
she has all the right in the world to be mad at me.
for a long long time.
does she believe me?
no.
will she forgive me?
prob not.
but i hope so.
i am mad at me.
why didn't i just tell her?
it is not easy to look at her beautiful blue eyes and see the love she has and say what i needed to say.
it made me sick to even think of it.
i put myself in this situation.
i could have removed me.
but i didn't.
the choices you make today, you live with tomorrow.
that is ever so true.
it has been more than a year since acting like i have no care in the world.
and today, reality slapped me in the face.
unexpectedly.
and why would she believe me after the way i did act sometimes?
and reality slapped really hard.
i love her.
i love her dearly.
i may have lost her for good.
and i at least deserve it - for awhile.
what i promised i would not do, i did.
i let someone else be the last to know something.
i am sad.
so sad.
sickenly sad.
she must feel so alone.
so upset
mind racing a 1000 miles an hour...
words cannot express what she is feeling right now.
her heart actually feeling the pain from the hurt.
there is nothing worse than that hurt.
why didn't i just tell her?
why could i have not just told her?
the pain would not have been as bad as it is now.
bad, but not near as bad.
it just hurt me so bad to have to hurt her.
but i should have accepted the responsibility and just told her.
now i have to live with that.
i hope she forgives me.
even if her life stays the same, i hope she can forgive me.
i love her.
i love her dearly.
sad i was involved in hurting her.
the worst she has ever been hurt.
i am so ashamed and sad......

Monday, June 29, 2009

the bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.

the bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.

that is what i wrote in a card for B. from kyle and I. it is truly from the heart. the pain that she is really starting to feel is overwhelming. we will always be here for her. always.
********************************************************************************************
man what about this weather!!! it is soooo beautiful!!!! it could bot be any better...at all. woot woot. gonna go for a ride in a bit. have a shirt to return, some things to mail, have to go to the church. and the best part is that by the time i am done it should be like 6 miles or so, amybe more. it has been too hot to ride, but it is great right now.
********************************************************************************************
saturday was our family reunion. it was at miller park in bloomington. they have a zoo, putt putt golf, palyground, and a sprnkler park (which is free). our intentions were to do them all. not a chance. we (b and i) ended up in the sprinkler park with the kiddies. it is soo neat. and free. definitely gonna go back a few more time before school starts. cheap fun for all ages. being with the family rocked also. it is technically kyles family, but thanks goodness i am blessed with them also. it is great that they/we get together 2x a year. love them, love them, love them!!! and then a few cam to our house yesterday and took us to supper...so awesome.
*****************************************************************************************
so...man not much else to say!! getting off here...no really i am. i hate that this computer hogs in about a 3rd of my day. (hi my name is tina, and i am addicted to the internet) i look up everything and anything that i may be curious about. i daydream about vacations. listen to music. always finding a reason.

hope you have a fantastic, wonderful, amazing, beautiful day!! peace out!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

friday, friday, friday....

hi there. how are ya. great, great...glad to hear it. my OCD ridden mind is running 40 miles an hour. i am supposed to be doing my homework for my health class (that is due today or i am kicked out of the class) and i started it YESTERDAY! slacker? who? me? nahhhhh. did i mention it was actually due in january. lol....see why i can not will not take online classes...it would not work. so as soon as i am done with this, i am on to the homework!!

so last night was our second night helping youth group. it so rocks. we gave them a challenge of doing something nice for someone whith out getting anything in return. we are starting small. building up to much bigger things. then we had an activity, which is the part we do. we set up a corn pot filled with candy, all kinds of change, wrinkled up paper and and 1$ bills, and a bill for 10.00$, herein called the bucket of life. the kids had to go to the bucket of life and take one thing at a time, go back to their seat and drop it off, then could return for more. if you were in contact with you seat you got to keep what you had if not you lost everything you had. we did for 30seconds, then 25 seconds thten we didn't tell them how much time they had. such as life. the name of the game was called greed. then kyle gave a little speech about greed and pastor lee chimed in with greater detail. they really enjoyed it. and they actually learned something. it was awesome. we are gonna have new activities each week. then in august we are gonna have a back to school bash with all kinds of fun stuff...can't wait. hoping to make a difference in somepne's life. and hoping they will walk closer to God.

next weel also starts our 40 days of love small group for 6 weeks at church. can't wait. it is for anyone married, single, divorced,etc. to not only love better, but be loveable. i am excited. a friend that doesnt even go to our church is coming. and i am soooo excited that in jule her and i are gonna get together and do the discussion ?'s in the upper room devotional...that will be so cool.

can you believe the church bulletin has been done since tuesday? i know, right? i feel like i haven't even done it, it has been done so long.

father's day on Sunday. love my guy. he is amazing. he not only loves his daughter, but has helped raise my nieces and foster another one. he never asks for anything and loves them completely. all of them. and not only that, but being there for our other nieces and nephews when needed. he ROCKS!!! wish i could give him something awesome. something like a nascar ticket!! a few days vacation somewhere...something he deserves. but at the same time...he is content. which i love about him. i love the journey we have shared/are sharing. we will have many more chapters to our book. i am soooooo excited about the future.

again it is killing me that i cannot talk about the other person in our house. she is such a giant wonderful part of our lives. but...can't say anything...we had a nice wonderful long talk today. i just love her.

i really am sorry that a friend of mine is in pain.

i really need to do my homework.

i really need to do the dishes(that i have started twice)

i really want to go somewhere

I really DO NOT LIKE SUMMER!!!

i really need to plant the flowers my wonderful mom-n-law bought for me..

wheewww...i could go on for days....

but better get off here and stop singing to grease and get my homework done...

(you better shape up cause i need a man and my heart is set on you, youre the one that i want...hoo, hoo, hoooo...the one i need, oh yes indeed)

hooo, hooo, hoooo

lol, peace out!!

(we'll always be together, always together, we'll always be together)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

yep...me again....

Good morning everyone. hope your morning is going well. it is 7:25 and i have had enuff on my mind already for an entire day and only been up for one hour. I have discovered new bruises from the let's stretch just a little more falling off the ladder incident. Funny now not so muc then. i am onmy way back out to the church for another day of pressure washing. and what a good day to pick, it is gonna be 90 degress---just kill me. i am ready for snow again. i dislike summer very much!! but if i have to be outside, soaked by cold water is hwere i need to be!!

we have a car show at our church on saturday!! everyone should come. it is free to get in and have a few kiddie things there also, and of course food! my jobs are from 11-1 watch the obstacle course (quit ur laughing momma b and hubby) and then from 1-3 ride on the hayrack with the kiddies. woot, woot...ASIDE FROM THE HEAT, i am excited. should be a good day!!

not much going on this day, so i am gonna head out on the ole bikester in a bit to the church!! hope you have a magnificent wonderful fantastic amazing day!! God bless!!

Friday, June 12, 2009

some cool pics and the runaway dog


Here are some pics that I did on the photofunia site. It is really, really, awesome.


the mighty running dog , see the below story(not the best pic of him, but will work)

a beautiful, beautiful sweet little girl (sorry I don't have any newer pics of the other kids) but when i do look out...i have an idea....

amazing beauty


so very awesome!!!


one of my newphews


this one kills me..but it is neat


my other nephew


one of my beautiful nieces


miss heaven marie


chili chili cheese fries


sweet cass


miss dis...love this pic of her







AND THE AMAZING RUNAWAY DOG!!
ok--let me set the scene for you...we are outside one day last week (the hottest one) cleaning the truck inside and out. all the doors are open matts out, using the vacuum to do the carpets. cleaning away. music playing, aaahhhhh life is good. and then she tells me that zeus is loose. WHAT!!?!?!?!!??? he is sooo fast and would never ever come back on his own. WWHHAATTT??!?!?!!! i throw the window cleaner and paper towels while on the run. me, running? hahahahah-joke in iteself. i am springing after him..he doesn't even look back. he is running towards his girlfriend accross the alley. i'm think great, he loves her-he'll stop. no chance. i am screaming "zeus heres your girlfriend(which by the way he knows who we men when we say that) he ran right by her!! he nEVER ever leaves his g/f behind...mind u chili is now chasing me chasing zeus. i tell her to get chili as he is trying to eat zeus' g/f. zeus is running and running, by this time i am screaming, crying his name. tears are rolling i know he is never coming back. i am running through yards, bushes, crying his name and running through bushes...it was awful. mind you i am a chunky girl...i do not run...knees just may blow out!! i love to ride, walk, but run noooooo way. we are almost to rt 47 by now!!! i knew and could see it play over and over in my mind him being squished by a semi. i was hysterical by theis point!! It was by the Grace of God that he stopped. after peeing on everything he could he stopped to tri it again and i was on him...he cowered down and i scooped him up...next thought is "man i am gonna pass out. i see little white spots and green spots..dizzy. goona fall. DON"T FALL YOU FOOL HE"LL GET AWAY!!! and all you ran was for nothing. don't do it, ok, coming back from that..whhheewww" first was relief he was caught then i wanted to killl him. we come in i get sat down-before i fell down..he curls up on the couch in a little ball and takes a nap. little did he know, i still had to finish the truck and wash it yet and clean the rest of the house and ride 4 miles--while he slept!! i ran what felt like a 5k in 10 miutes and he is sleeping!!!
good think i love him.

So last night was our first night witht he youth group. i have so many ideas, it should be quite the adventure with all the kids. i will be telling more as it goes and the adventures we have done.

well, getting off here for now, have a great day!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Boring

Well, i have come to the conclusion that my blog is soooo stinkin boring, it kills me to read it. No seriously...it is awful. I need to pep it up. My life is a little simple, but man this blog could put the happiest of people to sleep....gonna dig deep and bring me out again(by the advice of a friend).

After searching through the blogs looking for more reads, that is when i really noticed it. wheew..what kept you here?

I find some of the blogs i read absolutely amazing. The pain, the sadness, the love, the faith, and even the anger that some people feel. i want to write like that. at least a little like that. the one thing i have to talk about mostly, i cannot talk about for confidentiality reasons...and it kills me. but i have to keep it hush hush. but there are many, many emotions i would love to get out...i just can't right now. which leads to a boring blog.

what i have to say is nothing compared to the pain and feelings some people have to say. my daily routine is blah, blah, blah...boring.

it is amazing to me how the heart can ache and tears can flow for someone you haven't even met. but they do. my heart is bleeding for brokenwon. there is a lady who has something to say!! she is amazing. along with mckmomma. her faith is amazing, amazing, amazing...

a friend of mine is coming in a bit to teach the kid how to crochet. better her than me. now way. while she is doing that, i am gonna work on my health class homework that was due in january. just a few days late, huh? lol...thank goodness for a patient instructor...whoops.

i really rreally want to go grocery shopping tonight. oh,wait forgot it ws thursday..tonight is our first night helping with the youth group. kyle is very, very excited. i am nervous, but excited. i find it scary that i could possibly be a person that makes an influence in someone's life. i just don't want to say the wrong thing. you know, just that wierd, nervous, never dont it before feeling. we have some awesome things planned out. i'll have to let you know as it goes along. maybe that will help this boring blog huh? k, great, may you have a blessed day!!! peace out.....

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Amazing love...

These are some pics of the amazing sky we seen on May 30th at our church bonfire. It went from sunny to puring back to sunny to major downpour with hail back to sunny and awesome. It was amazing....Wow is He majestic...



this cloud was soooo white compared to the rest..it was really awesome!!



Heaven and Cass...it is actually 2 towels...it was neat how it matched up. Miss them so much!!



Woot Woot!! I pulled 55 radishes from the garden this morning...can't wait for the rest of the stuff to be ready.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

what a difference a day makes....

what a difference a day makes
Sunday..all is normal
monday one is gone
tuesday going about your daily routine
wednesday...packing
thursday another is gone.
one day
all is different
the hugs
the smiles
the extremely long bike train
the endless chatter at the table for supper
the rushing in the morning
the tucking in bed at night
the tickling
the i love you's
all gone
what a difference a day can make
will they be ok?
no more practicing math and reading
no more giggles
very sad
very worried
piece of my heart going with them
feeling very empty inside
frustrating to not have any control
we'll be here always
til the next time
there will be a next time
there always is
what a difference a day can make.....


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

thinking

hhmmmm....ssiighhhh..hhmmmmm???
why? have you ever tried to figure someone out?
to try and find some clarification?
hhmmmm...what if that person is related?
by blood...
and all you want is peace...
i hate chaos
why do some people love it
really? i am asking....
hhmmmmmm
a person that you thought you knew in and out?
a person that has shared mos of life's experiences with you
i just dont get it...
it is not chemically possible for me to not understand something
ssiigghhhhh
ok, guess that is it.... just
trying to figure something out....
glad we have had this talk
thanks
bye

Thursday, May 14, 2009

whew.....

howdy hoo!!! how is life? great, great, glad to hear it!! been lost in "no time for the computer" land. which is kinda nice in a way. i don't feel as tho i waste my days. we have another girl living in our house. all i can really say is she is 17 (but functions at a much lower level). she is wonderful.. We are so glad she is here. sorry for the trauma she has been thru, but nonetheless, glad she is here. hoping and praying that we can make a difference.

so now there are three school different school schedules!! good thing the calendar is my best friend. tina is my name, planning is my game..lol... so along with the people coming here for heaven, our workers coming, now we have her workers coming and other people for her. i think we need one of those revolving doors...no kidding. just come and go as you need to. adults of course, not the kiddies.

just been getting the routine under way. they all 3 need and must have routines to survive. and of course meee tooo!!

our house from empty to full. real fast. now i see why papi wants 7 or 8. i can totally see it. so on that note. the chore chart is being completed really soon!! (it has to be written for them to follow-and me too) .

and i am still doing the church bulletin and such. which i love that also.

kyle is off work tomorrow...appt's out the ying yang. starting at 8:30am. and groceries. have i mentioned that we now have 3 kids...whew, my list has grown considerably. which I AM NOT COMPLAINING, just stating. life has changed so much for us. and it ROCKS!!! the pain and frustrations sometimes overwhelm me but, it is so worth it. or will be. guess cass is going home the day school is out. supposedly, but that could change at anytime also.

well off to bloomington soon with the mom-n-law for her dr appt. so, that is what i ahve been up too!! i see the others of you have had some awesome experiences at work, no sleep from the storms, projects being completed, and sick kids and hubbies. such is life huh? well, miss you all and talk to you soon!!!


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Thanks...

A special thanks so some wonderful, caring ladies and a gentlemen for helping make a certain young ladies birthday go off without a hitch. There is a great pic I will shoe you later of her and the gloves and hat. She loves them. She said thanks. She loves them all!! I believe she was wearing the necklace today. The painting ROCKS!! It is awesome. Everyone in the house loved it (Cindy, Tonda, Carla, Jim, Mandy)!!! Again--thanks for everything!!! From all of us!!!

Friday, May 8, 2009

ok, i'm better!

ok, i was displaying a moment of weakness yesterday. i really hate it when i do that. i usually read the Bible or a devotion of some type and find my way back to reality. however-yesterday i let my self get causght up in the moment of stress and frustration. but i am better now. thanks!!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

STRESSED, TIRED OF THE CRAP, READY TO BOLT...BUT I NEVER WILL

MAN...I AM STRESSED. TIRED OF THE BACK AND FORTH WITH THE KIDS. TIRED OF DEALING WITH MY SISTER'S ISSUES. BOTH OF THEM. TIRED. JUST TIRED. NOT TIRED ENUFF TO QUIT. BUT I KINDS WANT TO. 5 STEPS FORWARD. 10 STEPS BACK. I FEEL SO IRRITATED. WANT TO RUN. WHY CAN'T IT BE NORMAL? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FOOD? WHY? WHY EVERYTHING? WHY?, WHY?, WHY? UUGHHHH!!!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I Love These Things!!

Have I mentioned how much I am fascinated with these!!!





They are so giant!!
I was awesome to stand under one!
Awesome!
Tried to get as many as I could in one pic!


There is a a lookout point on route 9 past colfax a ways and it is awesome. It shows you exactly how big they really are. There is a sidewalk that is the actual size with dimensions and such. There are binoculars to look through. The sound they make is so amazing. I could sit there and think and relax for days just watching and listening. I want to lay under on on a blanket and just relax. There is a place to sit. I told Kyle I want to have a picnic there. Of course he thinks I am crazy. I am just fascinated by them.

Digging

By the way,,,i forgot to mention something cute (to me anyway). while playing in the dirt yesterday i had the dogs out there with me. chili is not much of a get dirty or wet kind of dog,,,zeus on the other hand, he wants to roll in skunk pee, poop of any kind, mud, on worms...he loves nasty!! so, i am on my hands and knees sifting thru the dirt for big grass chunks--nice picture huh? lol. anyway, zeus stolls up by me smelling like a vacuum cleaner. next thing i know he is throwing dirt 6 inches behind him. digging as fast as he could. he would make a whole real deep, stick his head in, smell, sneeze, and then do it all over again. there were worms in the dirt, he would put them on top of the dirt and just roll like a wierdo on them. and guess what...i was so worn out that he didnt even get a bath last night...eewwww...thanks goodness he gave himself a bath. wish i'd had a camera...it was sooo cute.

I Knew It...

OK--I knew it!! A person has a gut feeling for a reason. I knew that she had not been taught to listen, but i really didn't know to this extent. Yesterday cassy did not come home from school as planned. pastor's son got her from her room and was leading her to the vehicle when she said she seen our car. he let her go(no fault of his, most seven 7yr olds know what they are talking about) and she left with 2 kids from school!!!! Walked to their house. and the parent-THANK GOODNESS!!!!-called the school. Now, i see a lot of 7 yr old kids walking to school, which is fine, but they have been taught a little better. she is so easily distracted and would go with ANYONE!!! we have had a talk everyday about who not to go with and what to do, and she still left. I even asked her yesterday morning "who are you to leave with?" and she told me. after school at about 4:10 when she got home she said "but they were my friends"!!! i was relieved to see and wanted to beat her at the same time. she is crazily defenseless, oblivious to any danger out there. and, let me tell you the feeling of helplessness by not being able to drive was the worst it has ever been. pastor was waiting on her and then brought her back to me. i knew better...people think i am a freak, but i knew. and now they do too!! i promise you that even after yesterday, she would leave with anyone again. that is so scary to me. yes it is a small town, but---perverts are everywhere!! even at a friend's house. i am just thankful that the parent called the school and sent her back with her daughter instead of just letting her go...gives me the heebie jeebies... So she left again today...with someone else. coming home...with someone else...and i am about to choke. except the fact that it is set up for her NOT to just be let go on the playground (which by the way i think is crazy anyway-but who am i). she is to go to the office and someone will pick her up from in there!! k, so there you have it!! panic at the disco---lol...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

just rambling...

Good morning! Well cassy hasn't been gone 10 minutes and i am worried. did she get into the door (she is easily distracted)? Will she remember that our pastor's son is getting her from her room? what if she forgets? uugghhh...and she is not even my kid. that is the "Rog" totally coming out in me(my dad). worry, worry, worry. I wouldn't worry even half as much if they had been taught anything. I feel so awful that they really don't know so much that you think they should know. about life, about people, about everything. It is really heartbreaking. cassy has a giant tendency to cry ALLLLL the time over EVERYTHING!!! the other night she was crying and crying after she had just eaten a giant supper about how hungry she was and wanted a snack...i asked her what was really wrong that she could not be hungry that soon. she says "i am afraid the food will run out" "what if it all gets gone?" "i have to eat it all before it goes away". tears rolled down my cheeks as i promising her that that would never happen...EVER. it was awful. i am more patient than i ever thought i would be--but the crying is really testing me.

heaven has been on a roller coaster for days now. i almost didn't go to a friends mom's service because she was having such a bad melt-down. her mom was here for about an hour after school. just enough to bring it all up in her again. she actually went to paxton to sign all the papers for her to have counseling. it is a roller coaster every day of emotion--more so when she sees her mom. and she does not want cassy here. it's really going ok, just adjusting to anything is hard on heaven!!

my other sister is being her usual self centered nieve person. she is so mad about me having cassy. trish was trying to keep the girls close-they have only had each other constantly their whole lives. the other sister is saying things like"they think so little of us, we are good enuff to buy shoes and get a haircut but not to live with"! uughhhh...she is sooooo selfish. i can't even begin to explain her. kyle says not to let it bother me, but ignorance is irritating!! if she were even trying to be part of the family she would understand all thses kids have been thru...but there is no one in her life except the jerk, two timing, respect demanding (for nothing), controlling, stupid husband of hers. and i realize that is not Christian like-but I am frustrated with her. and i could have said way worse. i do pray that they find peace. that they can feel the grace of God. I pray that she realizes family first before something happens and she will have regrets.

aannnnyyyhoooooo.....i am finally getting my garden planted today. i am excited. i have 3 tomato plants-cherry, big boy, early girl, 2 cuke plants, seeds-beets(for mom and mom-n-law), radish, green bean, zuchini, watermelon, still getting jalapeno plants, green pepper plants, and a few other little things, oh yeah-160 onions to plant!!! been waiting forever--but getting it done!!wooohoooo.

have i mentioned that i have the worlds best hubby?(to me)....he does sooo much for us 3. never complains, never asks for anything. he really loves us so much and puts up with a lot from my family. he always has the best interest of the kids at heart.

next week, i hope to get some flowers and gett hem planted...love planting things. i could spend tons, if i had it.

i have a spring cleaning list a mile long. anyone feel like cleaning?? anyone? anyone? ok, ok, guess i will have to do it.

mandy gets baptized this Sunday so we are going to their church instead of ours. she will also be intro'd as a member. she is in college to become a nurse. she has just grown up so fast. they all are. i love her so much!

i taught candis how to loom. she loves it. made herself a hat already and think she is gonna help make hats for heaven's school...lol, is that a joke, maybe i should have waited a little while before opening my mouth. that's me tho-vomit of the mouth alll the time...

well, guess maybe i should get back to work. unfortunately the laundry and dish fairy skipped over my house last night-think she was needed somehwere else worse. lol...dang her!! oh well--we really do enjoy the business and the xtra people around. think we have decided we want seven or 8...eventually...of course that means eventually we will have to get a bigger house!! take care...have a blessed day!! ttfn....btw...i am not doing the spelling check so enjoy the typos...lol




Monday, April 27, 2009

up in the air

ok, i finally have about .3 seconds to post something so here goes--

well last week flew by. tons to do in a short time and a million and 3 ?'s going on in my head. what is she thinking? what does she look like? wonder if she would even open up enough to talk to us(they said she was very shy). a person could about run themselves crazy. seemed like from 12p-3p went by in like 15 minutes. then she called-is she canceling? does she not want to come? a ton of thoughts in the 2 seconds to answer the phone. she said " were in gc and on 5th st, how do we get to ur house"-i could have barfed!! lol...craziness...tina get a hold of yourself is all i could say. so they pull up...my heart is pounding-i can only begin to imagine what she is feeling. whatever i was feeling i knew she was feeling 12x as much. i just wanted to hug her-but u r not supposed too. so i didn't. she and the worker came in and introduced us and left. really it was that quick. she was standing at the door with her head down for prob 10-15 minutes not talking at all. then finally she sat on the couch. for at least 45 minutes there was not a word from her. i however was trying as hard as i possible could not to BOMB her with ?'s...trust me it was not easy. i showed her the room and the house...we just sat there in silence. finally i told her "look i am so nervous/excited that i can't take it-can we talk?" she started opening up a little. very little. i wanted to cry for her. i know the number of times she as done this. and can't imagine. i just wanted to convey to her that we would never hurt her and there are good people that can love her. so, just as soon as she started to open up , she went to the room and made her bed(we let her pick which one she wanted). she laid out her clothes for the next day. then my dearest most loving hubby came home. he asked her if she was hungry and conversation took off from there. we talked a lot. we got supper and took it to the park. came back and played monopoly, are you smarter than a 5th grader, and chilled. about 10:40ish papi went to bed. she asked me to watch a movie with her so we started it and she fell asleep. the next morning she slept in (which she said she usually sleeps til noon) but the dogs woke her up. her and i played yahtzee, mad gab(not the right way) and kyle came home from work. he chimed in on the games and then we grilled lunch. while we were doing lunch we played that velcro ball game-first me then kyle. then we had to take her home. she lives in a house with TONS of people. 4 other foster kids, the ladies grand-daughter, daughter, husband, their 2 kids and she is pregnant, and a foster child that came back after out of the system. not including the billion people in and out in a day. the foster mother was really neat. said all kinds of nice things to us. told us some about her. and we left. we talked for a few miles and then silence. just lost in our thoughts. our fears. wondering what she was thinking. what was she feeling as we drove away. our ideas of a family. how hard it is to not have a family. i long to see our child. his eyes, my nose, my attitude, his compassion. we just held hands and rode. i love him so much. (even tho i may want to choke him now and again)

don't get me wrong, i know this has happened for a reason. and most likely it is so we can help heaven. i am ok with it. i really am. she really needs help. but nonetheless-it hurts.

so on to other stuff...oh wait, one more thing...now we just have to wait and see if she wants to come back then they will call.

ok, we are now helping with our youth group starting this thursday. which rocks!! i am nervous, but kyle is in all his glory. he has awesome things planned with a meaning behind them. he is really growing...and man have we changed. still surprises me sometimes. i would never have believed we would be where we are even a year ago.

we had "get out of church day" yesterday. it was awesome. we were split into teams and went out to minister and pray for people. there were people at harpers pumping gas and washing windows, a team at the annex, a team at mcdonalds, the laundry mat, and county market giving out gift certificates, and the kids were doing a free car wash. it was really neat. we are definitely doing it again.

kyle went to melvin to help clean a ladies yard and i was sent with another girl to the manor. now for those of you who know me-the unknown scares the living daylights out of me. i don't like to talk in front of people, especially praying. i didn't know this girl either. might i say i was excited but nervous as all get out. pastor nick is really trying to help me and encourage me to get out of my comfort zone. that's where he says i will be at my best. that's why he didn't pair me with kyle. i thanked him for doing that. it was an awesome experience. we talked to and prayed for 90% of the people in there. we shed lots of tears. and i know that my time needs to be spent more wisely so maybe i can spend time with some that are so lonely. i have been there a million times. this time was different. this time Jesus went before me, gave me strength, and sent his love thru me. it was powerful.

after that we flew to miller park for cassy's b-day party/cookout. we were only almost 2 hours late. we hurried. it was nice to be in the nice breeze and be with the fam. i will put pics on facebook later.

so there you have it, our very emotional, fantastic, awesome weekend. i hope you all had a great weekend!! thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. have a blessed day! luv, me

Thursday, April 23, 2009

anxious beyond belief

ok, i always pick the worst times to be on here...i realize i have not posted in like three weeks. so i am going to share the inner ramblings of my brain in hopes to release. please be prepared-it may not make sense, you may not be able to follow, you may get bored while reading it, and you just may feel like me after reading it. i apologize in advance.

the reason it is the worst time is because i a have a trillion and 3 things to get done today and tomorrow. you know just a few, call the vet-chili's rabies injection spot is really hard and swollen, call about a tiller (whenever we can sqeeze that time in before it decided to rain again), clean my house from top to bottom, shampoo the carpets and the furniture, breathe, go clean the church from 3:45-6, spray on some perfume and fly to the open house at the elementary tonight, pack heaven's bag, get her mentally prepared, and the list goes on. (as i know it does for everyone, "ahem", but this is about me right now...lol)

i am replaying heaven's IEP over and over in my head. feel so bad for her and the pain she is gonna have to endure while growing up all while hoping the anger chooses not to surface-or if it does be able to be dealt with. she is really frustrated with me because of the rules and limits we put on her, but the are necessary for safety reasons. if any of you watche criminal minds--i was flabbergasted while watching it last night..the similiarities were uncanny. she has progressed a lot and is doing wuite well they said, but she has a long road to go...never a public school...of course we are not giving up--i am just venting. we talk, talk, talk, talk, til we can not talk anymore about life skills everyday. that is another good thing-she is really opening up. i hope she can release and release til she feels better. There are a lot of people praying for her and all things are possible with GOD!!

ok, on to the next thing in the ole brainster-our pre-placement visit!! she will be here tomorrow!! tomorrow!!! tomorrow-i love you tomorrow...lol..sorry slip of the brain...i am wondering how she is feeling? will she accept us? what does she like to do? what does she look like? will she feel comfy with us? and trust me the list goes on for 642 questions that are bouncing from one side to the other. nervous. excited. emotional. overflowing with love.

we had an impromptu cookout last night-which rocked by the way. my mom-n-law, sis-n-law, all 5 her kiddies, 2 of my friend's kiddies, and us. it's been awhile since we all have grilled out. man was it overdue. i love a house full of kids, the laughter, the footsteps, the hugs, and yes even the dealing witht he fighting. only can't handle puke!! the i yell 'oh honey (while gagging) hellllpppp". and might i say the peanut butter pie recipe from a friend was delicious!!! definitely gonna be made lots here. whoa...how is that gonna work and lose weight? lol.....

you know what..i am disappointed...the house is not magically cleaning itself while i am sitting here...why? where is the cleaning lady? hello? well guess the lazy lady did not show up again...uugghhhh...all of it is back on me...love that...

and the add is on full force....i am trying to stay focused and i am trying to think of a poem to write for the child that comes here, want to make her a hat(you know 2 more hours of something i need to get done), thinking of things to put in the bulletin(that i am not making for the church), trying to stay focused on staying focused, need to call mom today, hhmm-what all am i gonna put in the garden? how should i do that? dang it tina-stay focused!!! need to do devotionals-that just may help me to calm down. need to pray..that will help me calm down. oh yeah just looked around the room need to water the plants.

you crazy yet? i think i just might be!! lol....nahhh-just excited.

ok, i am going now. i am gonna blare a WBGL cd of my fav songs to relax too, oh yeah, need to make a cd for aunt lala...ok, back to signing off. "this is the slightly insane, extreme loving, peace-seeking, Slim Shady P (as kyle calls me) signing off for the day. may you all have a blessed, fantastic, happy, wonderful day. Peace out!!"

Thursday, April 2, 2009

GOOOOOD MORNING!!!!!!

Well after a great nights sleep, I am up and running already...hehe at least the ole mind is. Man i went to bed around 8:50!! that is sooo unusual for me. was gonna blog anyway then i read momma b's latest one. it iwas an honor to work on those hats for the kids at cunningham. a little piece of love to go along witht heir warm heads...lol. i copied her great idea!! i called and talked to heaven's school where kids live also and go to school there and volunteerd to make hats and scarves!! there are 26 kiddies that live there and 100 that go to school there. 20 girls and 80 boys...what a difference huh? so anyway i would LOVE to throw in some socks with them (haha) if at all possible. i told her that it would not be until right before fall so that leaves plenty of time. which i might of course ask a few angels to help me....

so, i also went on a mission trip this last weekend. i left friday around 9 and came home sat around 5p. it was an experience! first of all let me get sidetracked for a second--friday was our anniversary and i was gonna be gone so i left things everywhere so he would think of me. i left a bag of hershey's kisses scattered in his truck seat with a note, i wrote SHMILY (see how much i love you) wrote in the shower with sidewalk chalk, i wrote on the bathroom mirror, i wrote stuff on the fridge with magnets-the colorful kiddie ones, and i wrote all over the front porch and sidewalk out front so he would see it on his way to work that morning!! to my surprise he did something too!! it is even still there. he wrote on the front yard with his orange paint from work "happy 10 i luv you". he made me tear up...it is the little things!! ok back from my world to a very different one.

i went with 5 guys from church to east st louis. we worked on a house that was givent o them from the family of a man that had recently passed away. it was for a family of 8 that either had no place to go or was losing their house soon. so we did that most of the day friday and sat morning. there was a group of 9 from maryland. it was really neat to meet new people and talk to them. it was a very new experience for me--seeing how my crew pulled up and dumped me with these 9 people that i had never met before!! altho iwas stressed at first-it will help me break from my shell. anyway sat night we did street ministry. we rode around the mean streets of east st louis where the prostitutes, drug dealers, gang members hang. we looked for them to give them hygiene packs, snack packs, and bottled water. we didn't see many people at all (it was cold out) so we went to a brothel/crackhouse. the girls (5 of us) and 2 guys went in. WOW!! a life i have never seen before. the first girl came out of her room and the pastors know most of these people by name, and was very thanksful to see us. was happy to receive her gifts and wanted a prayer. we all laid hands and prayed for her. she was really short and little, she kept sniffling and bouncing around, she could not stand still, everything she owned was in this little room and men were coming there for you know what!! it was awful. as we started backing away i noticed that she was pregnant! that was hard for me. but i also experienced a dif kind of love. one that just wanted to help her instead of condemn her and be be bitter. then she yelled in this hotel and the doors opened. about 4 more people came out. 1 woman, 3 men (who live there). her name was shannon. she was sniffling and much more restless than the first girl. se looked so awful. sunken cheeks, rotten teeth, greasy hear. she wanted us to pray for her children and her mom. she stated several times that she was a lost cause. man i was so filled with emotions. i didn't even sleep that night. i felt so guilty for going to a nice hotel, have a warm shower, i was stuffed from the dinner we had before we left. i was praying that she and the others were ok, that they changed or will and gave/give their life to Christ. it was something. i will definately go back as many times as i can. here is a link that truly describes the experience almost to a perfect t. http://tpe.ag.org/Articles2006/4834_Urban.cfm Pastor Jay and his crew are awesome. he looks like a wwe wrestler and is in a neighborhood that is 99.9% black. and he is making a difference. he said even one year ago the hotel/brothel we were in was PACKED all rooms filled and people sleeping in the hallway, doing drugs right there. that the streets were packed full of people and protitutes...and thanks God--there was hardly anyone out. and he had opened 3 churches since being there!! amazing!!! it was an amazing experience.

ok and another thing...think i finally know what i want to do in ministry...i want to work in a homeless shelter or children's home. i have so much love to give and want to give it away...since i don't drive i have been praying about it and will wait, but that is what i really want to do.

man this is the longest blog i have ever written!! and i have tons more to say, so just sit there and keep reading...lol...unless you are about to fall off your chair from boredom!!

the man i used to take care of is now in the nursing home. it is not a bad thing for him. he loves the interaction with people, he gets good meals, and he gets showered!! again all of which we take for granted. he just needs looked over all hours of the day, not just 2!! i rode the ole bi-cycle (yes i know it is spelled wrong, but i was spelling it like i always say it) out to the home and visited him yesterday. we played some rummy. thought he was gonna beat me, but we ended up tieing. vising him makes his day, and mine. no matter what you are feeling when you leave you are smiling and thankful. people are always asking me their and at the hospital shockingly " are you related to him?" i reply no i worked for him and care about him immensely and he is a person-would you want to be alone thru all of this-or ever? i want them to know that someone is checking in on him and they can't just run over hime because he is special. that is another something i want to do--be an advocate for people.

kyle is at the quitting smoking thing again. he did it for 6 days a acouple weeks ago. he had had i think 4 int he last 2 days. he really wants to quit. it is hard for all of us with his grouchiness, but it is worth it.

well some heaven news. her mom was gonna take her home in a few days...ok wait, have to say something before i forget..she was just bumped up another reading level!! 3 since she has been here!! wooohoooooo!! she is doing wonderful...she was preschool when she first got there now she is the high end of first grade. that is good for her!! she is back to where she was when she left me the last time. ok, back to the other, her mom was gonna take her home and come to find out that if she moves back to her moms she cannot go to school at hammitt!! she would go back to the academy in pontiac..and believe you me-no child should go there so it sounds. there are tons of details, but that is the jist of it. so heaven said she is NOT goig back to that school so she is here at least to the end of school...and another tidbit of news her mom is looking for a place in GC!!!! so she can move home and go to school at hammitt. we'll see how that goes!!!

i am supposed to go to lucnh with a friend today..that will be nice.

ok, now maybe, just maybe, i can be productive on the things i need to do!!! the add is major today and the last few days soooo...i start 12 and get 2-3 done!! uugghhh....lots of stuff to do on the computer also some for the church, some for heaven, and some for me!! i didn't check the spelling or anything so if it is wrong--get over it!! i am a mad typer with tons on the brain....lol. HAVE A BLESSED DAY!!!!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

10 years

Good morning!! hope you all are having a great morning. i was actually up about 5:45. i got up and made kyle coffee!! for those of you who know me, making coffee is a ginormous deal. it really means that i love him alot-i know it sounds dumb, but there is a huge story behind it. anyway, made him coffee and had a chance to talk a lot this morning. tomorrow is our 10 year anniversary!! amazing how time flies. mandy was a baby when we first got togehter and now she is 19 years old and in college and getting batized in may and will then be a member of her church!! time--sure stands still for no one. i always heard people say it was like wine, gets better with time. that is sure true!! and guess what? i won't even be home(get to that in a minute). i have all kinds of little things planned. i am so excited. I am gonna tape a card and throw some kisses in his truck while he is in the shower. warm his towel in the dryer tonite. write things i the shower with soap. then tomorrow when i leave i am gonna write all kinds on the sidewalk so he can read it all the way up to the door since i wont be home. the mail person might think i am crazy, but whatever. that's just a few of the things i am gonna do, (don't want to bore you to tears). i want him to smile wherever he looks while i am not here. i couldn't imagine having a more supportive, non jealous, intelligent, person to know and help my family, good looking husband to let me be me no matter what. don't get me wrong we do drive each other crazy sometimes. but that would be with anyone you share your life with.

the reason i am not gonna be here is that we signed up for a short mission trip to st louis. it is the worst part of st luois, washington park. our church supports a ministry called urban outreach and they are opening another church and we are going down to help clean it and get it ready and the do street evangelism right down in front of a crack house. we are gonna take food and talk to them and hopefully one/some/all will give thier lives to Christ. i am very happy that i am able to go and help. they have it pretty rough and i feel blessed for all of the gifts in my life and to be able to help. kyle is on call and getting someone to switch with him is like pulling teeth. so since uncle jimmy is going, so i get to go also and share a room with him for the night, not a stranger. kyle is disappointed he really wanted to go.

well i am definately gonna get my exercise today. i have to go to the bloodwork at the hospital, then go visit ralph at the nursing home and back here!! a few stops in between, but that is like 60some blocks!! wooohoooo!! i am gonna get a major workout like i did tuesday. i must crank out another hat soon also, pack my overnite bag, figure out supper, whew--busy day.

heaven doesn't come back til Sunday night. sure has been quiet around here!

well, not getting anything done sitting on here, sooooo hope you all have a great day and weekend!! wish you the best of everything!!! ttfn.....




Wednesday, March 18, 2009

VENTING!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, i am gonna just start it right off!! i am sooo upset right now. my niece and i just had a huge discussion-she has had for the 3rd day in a row, not done good at school!! too many rudes and not following directions. of course all this since the weekend at her moms. where the rules and lifestyles are completely different!!! so different that i cannot even begin to explain. she is 10 years old and yes she should at this age be let to have more freedom(which she is mad that i wont let her), but she can't!! she is way to knowledgeable of sex and violence that she can't just be let loose. I am trying to limit what she sees and hears and for what? for when she goes home to see and hear all the wrong stuff and be right back where i have started? it is becoming so hard for her. i feel for her so much. she is sooo mad at me for taking away the cd that she was singing britney sex songs!! she already knows too much!!! which led to her just being mad at me for everything. i had to explain to her that her mom called here and asked if she could stay and if i could help her, and that we are making the right decisions for the care that she needs. i told her that she is smart, funny, beautiful and worth more than just having sex with some random person. then she starts telling me of the sex that she has seen her mom have with men. OOOHHH MYYY GOOODNESS!!!! is this really happening? i am just about to croak!! for her and her sister and me and kyle for that matter. i just tried to explain this stuff and it about led to a blow out!! but i backed down and just let it be. she is going there friday for 10 days! it is gonna be hell for her to get back into the routine for school and such...if she comes back! yes i said it, i don't think she will, but who am i? the chopped liver, gouchy, mean, keeping you here, awful aunt!! if she could only understand!!! if only.....


Friday, March 13, 2009

crazy!!

CRAZY!! Yes crazy. Sooo much running through the mind I almost feel crazy!! Most of it is my family..surprise surprise--i know ..really!! lol. I just don't have anywhere to start. Then i could go on forever and ever. Nothing is ever accomplished with them. I did get a call from our licensing worker yesterday-because of Heaven's issues, we will be licensed for 11 and up. When she goes home then they will switch it to babies again. She knows hoe much I want to adopt a baby. Bur most of our time and attention is spent on heaven. She counts as 2-3 children already they said. I am not complaining, she is my family and I love her DEARLY. Only she doesn't realize how much she hurts feelings at all. After talking with the worker and actually hearing (I already knew, but to hear it is different) the baby would be put off for awhile Heaven came home from shool is one of her most oppositional moods and was really hurtful. Mind you at her house she does not get half the attention (positive anyway) or half the things she has gotten used to here. She is on the phone with her mom saying i have to get home this weekend, i have to get our of here, they are mean to me, i cna't stand it here. all the while i am trying to explain to myself in my head this is what she does, she is very hurtful sometimes, she is just playing the sides against each other, but i felt my heart wanting to explode!!! when she got off the phone, i let her have it. I told her how much she hurt my feelings and how we are not mean to her and we don't yell that we explain things, and that how is it so bad here with the nice room she has, the tv, the eating out, and mostly the love the she gets from us both. Then i started to cry..uugghhh, i hate that. But it is soooo hard to hear that from someone of who you sacrifice so much for that she doesnt like it here. Which she loves it here just says things to hurt. I wouldn't change it, but yesterday it all hit me. It all hit at once, and i wasn;t feeling good on top of it. Seems as tho feelings are 10x more sensitive when u don't feel good. And then to find out while I was crying that my mom has no place to live now!! UUGGHHHH. For those of you wo do not know my family I am sorry that you don't understand a lot of this, but for those of you who do---HEEELLLPPPP!!!!!! My ungrateful witchy kittle sister who has a four bedroom house with a full basement won't even let her stay. The other sister who has a 3 bedroom house with extra epople living there already has offered mom and a long time fam friend to live there--she has a heart. I already have Heaven and our lease says no one else can live here and we have our workers coming in and out all the time anyway. which means if someone else was staying we could not get licensed!! Ugghhh. Oh well enought about my family!! If I let it, it will make me crazy!!! Crazy Crazy Crazy i tell ya. So I don't let it...most of the time...lol

How about the sunshine? It is a beautiful day!!! I am gonna take the boyz for a walk in a bit and maybe go to Ralph's, we'll see.

I am with 3DNP on the camping. There is nothing like just getting away!!! The sound and smell of a fire is soo therapeutic!! Fishing and hiking!! Just away from the everyday!! I hope to get further away this year, go someplace we have not been before.

Kyle is on his 4th day of trying to not smoke. he has had only a few a day instead of a million. He is doing good but it is so very hard for him!!! Tomorrow is the day he has none!! Look out I might be looking for a place to live for awhile. He can get rude and ruthless when he tries to quit. He apologizes beforehand because of how hard it is on him. He actually get sick also.. So glad I never ever smoked.

Well off to enjoy the rest of the day. Alot to do in a short time! Wishing you all a great happy fantastic weekend!!!! Talk to ya soon...




Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Good morning!!!! hope you all had a great monday!! i figured i would take some time to write before i dive into my to do list. I wonder if i will ever be caught up, and what that would feel like? to have everything done? uuummm, can't imagine.

things went very well with heaven this morning. i am almost amazed. usually the transition is awful for her. she was really good this morning!! that makes for a good day. we have her counseling tonite so that is good also. then tomorrow night is the Ladies Aid!! woohooo!! some grown up girl time. that will be nice. maybe that fix the itch that i have about traveling. i am feeling so drawn (more than ever) to go somewhere. I WANT TO SEE A BEACH!!! i was looking last night and considering going by myself. i looked at trains and greyhound. i don't even care if i ride all the way there for one night (meaning sunset and sunrise over the water) and then ride home. they say they help people with issues(disability is just too strong of a word for me). so i could just run away for a few days. of course there is nothing more i would like than someone to go with, but not sure anyone can/will. we have some friends that have a camper thought about that so kyle would go with, but he doesnt want to take a bus (which is tons cheaper than i thought). see, i do NOT fly!!!! anyway, as you can see, my mind is running crazy and i promise you i will see a beach on the ocean by the end of this year!!!!!!! alone or not!!! i have been looking at the atlas for a few days trying to figure out where...i dont want a major tourist attraction, just a simple town with some shoreline...

enuff of the dreaming for now. have work to do!! wish you all the best!!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

the news

ok, i am gonna rant for a few minutes so if you don't want to hear it, x me out now!!! i turned on the news to see what the weather was predicted to be (hoping for some spring like stuff soon) and the first thing i hear is about the 11 year old that shot his dad's 9 month pregnant g/f. WHAT???????????? 11 years old, 2 more innocent lives gone. AN UNBORN BABY??? it is almost too hard to fathum. 11 years old, never in trouble, "a good kid" pushed by jealousy"!! are you serious? how sad it is that they keep getting younger and younger committing crimes like this. then my next thought was my niece living with me. she has major anger issues, oppositional defiance disorder, adhd, ocd, ptsd, and, and, and, it scares me to death to think of what could happen. how angry she could get and be pushed? it can happen obviously. and another ? who the WORLD buys there 11 year a shot gun??? that is just CRAZY to me!!! why put weapons in their hands? I HATE GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes for all of you gun people--guns dont kill people, people kill people-i get it, but obviously if there was no gun in the house -OR THAT HE KNEW HOW TO USE-it might not have happened. anyway, enuff of the major controversy i just started. back to my niece--i trembled inside at the thought of the possibility that this could be her if the help she is continuing to get stops. yesterday was the worst day ever. she is soooooo mad at me right now after the weekend with her mom. she wants go where it is "fun" "where there is a (my words-stupid freakin) playstation with games (you know that are violent killing games not anything kid like.) i seen while there a head be ripped off and an arm and blood everywhere on this game. gee, now take someone with mental issues and let them play it, good idea right???? gggrrrrrr, i am so frustrated with the way things have happened. she is mad because they spent the weekend knocking me and now she is here and feels that i am wronging her mother. man there is soooo much history that some of this may not make sense to people who do not know the situation, but i have to rant..vent, and get it out before i blow up!!! gggrrrrrr....and yes for those of you thinking foster care will be like this-YES I KNOW--but it will be different because my it is not my family (yet anyway) that i have invested my whole heart and soul into, to make sure they have what they need, food to eat, clothes to wear and to feel as much love as they can from me for 10 years!!!! since they were born--it is really hard!! i am up for the challenge-don't worry, i just needed to vent. the reason i am mad is because it is preventable. she is soooooo impressionable it is ridiculous...they can spend the week complaining about me, just not where she can hear it. of course there is not reason to complain, just insecurity.

ok then on to the next subject...the next thing i hear is about the mother of 14 children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gggrrrrrr....no job, no house, no partner of any type, on public aid--GETTING IVF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes i have heard about it before today, but today it just seems to be too much to listen to. I can't have children as you know and let me tell you, i do NOT know how a woman with six kids in her situation could even begin to afford it, let alone be selfish enuff to do it again. she has two kids with disabilities. help them extra, love them, love the six you have!!!! it is like 10,000$ per try for ivf...each one of her kids were ivf...that is a lot of money. gggrrrrr....there are a lot of feelings rolling around in my head today. i pray for all those sweet innocent children who were brought into this mess. i pray for the whole family...and this lady wants to be a counselor or psychiatrist, think she needs to go to one for awhile. heck maybe i do after today and yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol....

ok, my ranting is over...some people may think i am one way or the other on these subjects, they are highly controversial subjects i know and i see some of both sides, it am just expressing my opinion on the things i am going thru...

well, i thank you for listening to me..holla back and lets chat.

i am gonna get to my moving my house around. we have take our bed out and put up the twin beds and put the full bed in our room(gonna be tight fitting with the 2 6-8lb dogs who literally hog the bed), paint our room and the kids room. i am excited to get this done. i will share some pics soon...

i am going to my daily devotional and feel the love...hope you have a great day!! have a blessed day!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Me? making hats, never thought, but man it is awesome!!!






























Well as I sit here with a list a mile long (literally) of things to do I decided to upload and share the pics of the hats i learned to make friday from momma b (who rocks might I add). Of course Kyle snatched the first one the tan one, and I gave my niece Cassy the awesome pink and blue one. Which I will make another of. It was kyle's suggestion and i never would have put those two together, but it looked really neat. So i say again, Me? Making hats? I never thought in a million years I would, but it is awesome. First and foremost is the helping reason, second of all everyone wants one, third of all it is something I can do without having to have perfect vision. I am rally excited...but now the housework and to do list will be much longer than usual..lol...

Hope everyone had a great weekend!! It was nice, but too short as always!! Guess I should get to that mile long list, take care, be safe and smile--God loves ya!!! TTYL...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

man it's cold outside....



howdy hoo...that's better...anyway, how's it going? great, great. guess what? i am breaking down and going to buy some looms and yarn tonite!! yes you heard me right. i am jumping on the yarn wagon. they are really neat and i want to help also. i am sooo excited to learn. momma b is coming over tomorrow to show me. not only am i excited about the time with her, but that i will learn a new trade. the smiles above are from the hat and scarf momma b gave heaven. which she loves dearly.

well-not much to tell really. the friend that i had blogged about 2 x ago and i are getting along. we had lunch once and are going again tomorrow. i am really glad. i don't like it when there are bad feelings between me and someone else. so that worked out...

we have had worker after worker here lately. almost done with the licensing process, just a couple more weeks. i am really excited to get that done. so it is just he crazy day to day stuff that keeps us busy. which i kinda enjoy. our house went from just kyle and i (and the 2 boyz) to heaven with workers and appts and homework and, and. and all the extra help she needs. seeing the improvement in her is AWESOME!!! she is doing so well. she doesn't know it yet but her glasses are in and she is gonna be sooo happy. yes she is a kid who is very excited about getting them. she is gonna feel like a million bucks tomorrow and i am o excited for her. plus it will help keep her eye that is not quite with it all the time, with the other one. which will help her headaches and stuff.

we are going to bloomington tonite to get her shoes and glasses and some clothes. and of course the looms. then saturday we are going back to bloomington to pick up a set of twin beds that a furniture place donated to us. heaven's worker hooked us up. it is sooo nice how compassionate people can be. not only compassionate, but refreshing. well, guess i should get back to my work on the house and such. hope that you all have a wonderful blessed day!!!!!!!!!!!!!








Friday, January 30, 2009

friday night lights....

hello hello!! been awhile again. i have been catching myself coming and going. well, i take that back, yesterday and the day before i did pretty much nothing. just chillin a bit, some down time. i just made literally like more than 1000 flashcards for us to help heaven practice her words and math. she really broke my heart again tonite. she is so down on herself. she was calling herself stupid and dumb because she didn't know how to do multiplication yet. she said"i am ten years old and i know everyone is doing more than addition and subtraction, i am too stupid too learn it". i wanted to die inside for her. she trys so hard. i can't believe that she has to go thru this. she is way more grown in some ways and way not in others. i decided tonite come high water i am gonna help her. her teachers do a wonderful job at the school she is now. i just know that we can help her also. now that i am ready to cry......i am gonna move on.

never in my life have i ever been more ready for spring/summer. i want to be outside. i want a garden. this cold stuff is ridiculous. been some cold days to ralph's and back, that's for sure.

i have taken over the website, myspace and making a facebook for our church. it is something that i really enjoy-a lot. i hope to (when i get it going more) reach people and spread His Word. i wish there was church like on tuesdays, thursdays, and Sundays. seriously.

next week should be the last visit from out licensing worker. i have had a worker of some type here for the last 3 weeks and 2 more to go. heavens interventionist will be here the following week. anyway, mind is wondering a little. i am excited to get all that done. had to get heaven her physical today to give to her when she comes again. wrapping things up...wooohoooooo!!!

so the friday night lights thing is a bit of irony. it is friday night and i sit here by the light of the computer and tv. happy that our lives have changed and i won't wake up (or go to bed) sick. that i am not doing something that i am sure to regret if drinking. who new the simple life would be so nice? glad i found out.

i am a little excited about Sunday. and no it is not because of football...gag me...well guess kinda it is...heading to momma b's house for some friends, food, laughter and love. wooohoooooo!!! am ready for that. some good ole belly laughs. it is the best med you know??!!!!

my boyz are all snuggled up...kyle is snoring and the little boyz are under the covers not to be seen until about 1:30ish, you know=right after i fall asleep, ggrrrr....happens everytime. we all actually get to sleep in tomorrow. guess i should start picking up the mess and winding down some...wish you all a blessed happy day tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! ttfn....