Thursday, March 26, 2009

10 years

Good morning!! hope you all are having a great morning. i was actually up about 5:45. i got up and made kyle coffee!! for those of you who know me, making coffee is a ginormous deal. it really means that i love him alot-i know it sounds dumb, but there is a huge story behind it. anyway, made him coffee and had a chance to talk a lot this morning. tomorrow is our 10 year anniversary!! amazing how time flies. mandy was a baby when we first got togehter and now she is 19 years old and in college and getting batized in may and will then be a member of her church!! time--sure stands still for no one. i always heard people say it was like wine, gets better with time. that is sure true!! and guess what? i won't even be home(get to that in a minute). i have all kinds of little things planned. i am so excited. I am gonna tape a card and throw some kisses in his truck while he is in the shower. warm his towel in the dryer tonite. write things i the shower with soap. then tomorrow when i leave i am gonna write all kinds on the sidewalk so he can read it all the way up to the door since i wont be home. the mail person might think i am crazy, but whatever. that's just a few of the things i am gonna do, (don't want to bore you to tears). i want him to smile wherever he looks while i am not here. i couldn't imagine having a more supportive, non jealous, intelligent, person to know and help my family, good looking husband to let me be me no matter what. don't get me wrong we do drive each other crazy sometimes. but that would be with anyone you share your life with.

the reason i am not gonna be here is that we signed up for a short mission trip to st louis. it is the worst part of st luois, washington park. our church supports a ministry called urban outreach and they are opening another church and we are going down to help clean it and get it ready and the do street evangelism right down in front of a crack house. we are gonna take food and talk to them and hopefully one/some/all will give thier lives to Christ. i am very happy that i am able to go and help. they have it pretty rough and i feel blessed for all of the gifts in my life and to be able to help. kyle is on call and getting someone to switch with him is like pulling teeth. so since uncle jimmy is going, so i get to go also and share a room with him for the night, not a stranger. kyle is disappointed he really wanted to go.

well i am definately gonna get my exercise today. i have to go to the bloodwork at the hospital, then go visit ralph at the nursing home and back here!! a few stops in between, but that is like 60some blocks!! wooohoooo!! i am gonna get a major workout like i did tuesday. i must crank out another hat soon also, pack my overnite bag, figure out supper, whew--busy day.

heaven doesn't come back til Sunday night. sure has been quiet around here!

well, not getting anything done sitting on here, sooooo hope you all have a great day and weekend!! wish you the best of everything!!! ttfn.....

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


OK, i am gonna just start it right off!! i am sooo upset right now. my niece and i just had a huge discussion-she has had for the 3rd day in a row, not done good at school!! too many rudes and not following directions. of course all this since the weekend at her moms. where the rules and lifestyles are completely different!!! so different that i cannot even begin to explain. she is 10 years old and yes she should at this age be let to have more freedom(which she is mad that i wont let her), but she can't!! she is way to knowledgeable of sex and violence that she can't just be let loose. I am trying to limit what she sees and hears and for what? for when she goes home to see and hear all the wrong stuff and be right back where i have started? it is becoming so hard for her. i feel for her so much. she is sooo mad at me for taking away the cd that she was singing britney sex songs!! she already knows too much!!! which led to her just being mad at me for everything. i had to explain to her that her mom called here and asked if she could stay and if i could help her, and that we are making the right decisions for the care that she needs. i told her that she is smart, funny, beautiful and worth more than just having sex with some random person. then she starts telling me of the sex that she has seen her mom have with men. OOOHHH MYYY GOOODNESS!!!! is this really happening? i am just about to croak!! for her and her sister and me and kyle for that matter. i just tried to explain this stuff and it about led to a blow out!! but i backed down and just let it be. she is going there friday for 10 days! it is gonna be hell for her to get back into the routine for school and such...if she comes back! yes i said it, i don't think she will, but who am i? the chopped liver, gouchy, mean, keeping you here, awful aunt!! if she could only understand!!! if only.....

Friday, March 13, 2009


CRAZY!! Yes crazy. Sooo much running through the mind I almost feel crazy!! Most of it is my family..surprise surprise--i know ..really!! lol. I just don't have anywhere to start. Then i could go on forever and ever. Nothing is ever accomplished with them. I did get a call from our licensing worker yesterday-because of Heaven's issues, we will be licensed for 11 and up. When she goes home then they will switch it to babies again. She knows hoe much I want to adopt a baby. Bur most of our time and attention is spent on heaven. She counts as 2-3 children already they said. I am not complaining, she is my family and I love her DEARLY. Only she doesn't realize how much she hurts feelings at all. After talking with the worker and actually hearing (I already knew, but to hear it is different) the baby would be put off for awhile Heaven came home from shool is one of her most oppositional moods and was really hurtful. Mind you at her house she does not get half the attention (positive anyway) or half the things she has gotten used to here. She is on the phone with her mom saying i have to get home this weekend, i have to get our of here, they are mean to me, i cna't stand it here. all the while i am trying to explain to myself in my head this is what she does, she is very hurtful sometimes, she is just playing the sides against each other, but i felt my heart wanting to explode!!! when she got off the phone, i let her have it. I told her how much she hurt my feelings and how we are not mean to her and we don't yell that we explain things, and that how is it so bad here with the nice room she has, the tv, the eating out, and mostly the love the she gets from us both. Then i started to cry..uugghhh, i hate that. But it is soooo hard to hear that from someone of who you sacrifice so much for that she doesnt like it here. Which she loves it here just says things to hurt. I wouldn't change it, but yesterday it all hit me. It all hit at once, and i wasn;t feeling good on top of it. Seems as tho feelings are 10x more sensitive when u don't feel good. And then to find out while I was crying that my mom has no place to live now!! UUGGHHHH. For those of you wo do not know my family I am sorry that you don't understand a lot of this, but for those of you who do---HEEELLLPPPP!!!!!! My ungrateful witchy kittle sister who has a four bedroom house with a full basement won't even let her stay. The other sister who has a 3 bedroom house with extra epople living there already has offered mom and a long time fam friend to live there--she has a heart. I already have Heaven and our lease says no one else can live here and we have our workers coming in and out all the time anyway. which means if someone else was staying we could not get licensed!! Ugghhh. Oh well enought about my family!! If I let it, it will make me crazy!!! Crazy Crazy Crazy i tell ya. So I don't let it...most of the

How about the sunshine? It is a beautiful day!!! I am gonna take the boyz for a walk in a bit and maybe go to Ralph's, we'll see.

I am with 3DNP on the camping. There is nothing like just getting away!!! The sound and smell of a fire is soo therapeutic!! Fishing and hiking!! Just away from the everyday!! I hope to get further away this year, go someplace we have not been before.

Kyle is on his 4th day of trying to not smoke. he has had only a few a day instead of a million. He is doing good but it is so very hard for him!!! Tomorrow is the day he has none!! Look out I might be looking for a place to live for awhile. He can get rude and ruthless when he tries to quit. He apologizes beforehand because of how hard it is on him. He actually get sick also.. So glad I never ever smoked.

Well off to enjoy the rest of the day. Alot to do in a short time! Wishing you all a great happy fantastic weekend!!!! Talk to ya soon...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Good morning!!!! hope you all had a great monday!! i figured i would take some time to write before i dive into my to do list. I wonder if i will ever be caught up, and what that would feel like? to have everything done? uuummm, can't imagine.

things went very well with heaven this morning. i am almost amazed. usually the transition is awful for her. she was really good this morning!! that makes for a good day. we have her counseling tonite so that is good also. then tomorrow night is the Ladies Aid!! woohooo!! some grown up girl time. that will be nice. maybe that fix the itch that i have about traveling. i am feeling so drawn (more than ever) to go somewhere. I WANT TO SEE A BEACH!!! i was looking last night and considering going by myself. i looked at trains and greyhound. i don't even care if i ride all the way there for one night (meaning sunset and sunrise over the water) and then ride home. they say they help people with issues(disability is just too strong of a word for me). so i could just run away for a few days. of course there is nothing more i would like than someone to go with, but not sure anyone can/will. we have some friends that have a camper thought about that so kyle would go with, but he doesnt want to take a bus (which is tons cheaper than i thought). see, i do NOT fly!!!! anyway, as you can see, my mind is running crazy and i promise you i will see a beach on the ocean by the end of this year!!!!!!! alone or not!!! i have been looking at the atlas for a few days trying to figure out where...i dont want a major tourist attraction, just a simple town with some shoreline...

enuff of the dreaming for now. have work to do!! wish you all the best!!!