thinking

hhmmmm....ssiighhhh..hhmmmmm???
why? have you ever tried to figure someone out?
to try and find some clarification?
hhmmmm...what if that person is related?
by blood...
and all you want is peace...
i hate chaos
why do some people love it
really? i am asking....
hhmmmmmm
a person that you thought you knew in and out?
a person that has shared mos of life's experiences with you
i just dont get it...
it is not chemically possible for me to not understand something
ssiigghhhhh
ok, guess that is it.... just
trying to figure something out....
glad we have had this talk
thanks
bye

whew.....

howdy hoo!!! how is life? great, great, glad to hear it!! been lost in "no time for the computer" land. which is kinda nice in a way. i don't feel as tho i waste my days. we have another girl living in our house. all i can really say is she is 17 (but functions at a much lower level). she is wonderful.. We are so glad she is here. sorry for the trauma she has been thru, but nonetheless, glad she is here. hoping and praying that we can make a difference.

so now there are three school different school schedules!! good thing the calendar is my best friend. tina is my name, planning is my game..lol... so along with the people coming here for heaven, our workers coming, now we have her workers coming and other people for her. i think we need one of those revolving doors...no kidding. just come and go as you need to. adults of course, not the kiddies.

just been getting the routine under way. they all 3 need and must have routines to survive. and of course meee tooo!!

our house from empty to full. real fast. now i see why papi wants 7 or 8. i can totally see it. so on that note. the chore chart is being completed really soon!! (it has to be written for them to follow-and me too) .

and i am still doing the church bulletin and such. which i love that also.

kyle is off work tomorrow...appt's out the ying yang. starting at 8:30am. and groceries. have i mentioned that we now have 3 kids...whew, my list has grown considerably. which I AM NOT COMPLAINING, just stating. life has changed so much for us. and it ROCKS!!! the pain and frustrations sometimes overwhelm me but, it is so worth it. or will be. guess cass is going home the day school is out. supposedly, but that could change at anytime also.

well off to bloomington soon with the mom-n-law for her dr appt. so, that is what i ahve been up too!! i see the others of you have had some awesome experiences at work, no sleep from the storms, projects being completed, and sick kids and hubbies. such is life huh? well, miss you all and talk to you soon!!!

Thanks...

A special thanks so some wonderful, caring ladies and a gentlemen for helping make a certain young ladies birthday go off without a hitch. There is a great pic I will shoe you later of her and the gloves and hat. She loves them. She said thanks. She loves them all!! I believe she was wearing the necklace today. The painting ROCKS!! It is awesome. Everyone in the house loved it (Cindy, Tonda, Carla, Jim, Mandy)!!! Again--thanks for everything!!! From all of us!!!

ok, i'm better!

ok, i was displaying a moment of weakness yesterday. i really hate it when i do that. i usually read the Bible or a devotion of some type and find my way back to reality. however-yesterday i let my self get causght up in the moment of stress and frustration. but i am better now. thanks!!!!

STRESSED, TIRED OF THE CRAP, READY TO BOLT...BUT I NEVER WILL

MAN...I AM STRESSED. TIRED OF THE BACK AND FORTH WITH THE KIDS. TIRED OF DEALING WITH MY SISTER'S ISSUES. BOTH OF THEM. TIRED. JUST TIRED. NOT TIRED ENUFF TO QUIT. BUT I KINDS WANT TO. 5 STEPS FORWARD. 10 STEPS BACK. I FEEL SO IRRITATED. WANT TO RUN. WHY CAN'T IT BE NORMAL? WHY DO THEY HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FOOD? WHY? WHY EVERYTHING? WHY?, WHY?, WHY? UUGHHHH!!!

I Love These Things!!

Have I mentioned how much I am fascinated with these!!!

They are so giant!!
I was awesome to stand under one!
Awesome!

Tried to get as many as I could in one pic!


There is a a lookout point on route 9 past colfax a ways and it is awesome. It shows you exactly how big they really are. There is a sidewalk that is the actual size with dimensions and such. There are binoculars to look through. The sound they make is so amazing. I could sit there and think and relax for days just watching and listening. I want to lay under on on a blanket and just relax. There is a place to sit. I told Kyle I want to have a picnic there. Of course he thinks I am crazy. I am just fascinated by them.

Digging

By the way,,,i forgot to mention something cute (to me anyway). while playing in the dirt yesterday i had the dogs out there with me. chili is not much of a get dirty or wet kind of dog,,,zeus on the other hand, he wants to roll in skunk pee, poop of any kind, mud, on worms...he loves nasty!! so, i am on my hands and knees sifting thru the dirt for big grass chunks--nice picture huh? lol. anyway, zeus stolls up by me smelling like a vacuum cleaner. next thing i know he is throwing dirt 6 inches behind him. digging as fast as he could. he would make a whole real deep, stick his head in, smell, sneeze, and then do it all over again. there were worms in the dirt, he would put them on top of the dirt and just roll like a wierdo on them. and guess what...i was so worn out that he didnt even get a bath last night...eewwww...thanks goodness he gave himself a bath. wish i'd had a camera...it was sooo cute.

I Knew It...

OK--I knew it!! A person has a gut feeling for a reason. I knew that she had not been taught to listen, but i really didn't know to this extent. Yesterday cassy did not come home from school as planned. pastor's son got her from her room and was leading her to the vehicle when she said she seen our car. he let her go(no fault of his, most seven 7yr olds know what they are talking about) and she left with 2 kids from school!!!! Walked to their house. and the parent-THANK GOODNESS!!!!-called the school. Now, i see a lot of 7 yr old kids walking to school, which is fine, but they have been taught a little better. she is so easily distracted and would go with ANYONE!!! we have had a talk everyday about who not to go with and what to do, and she still left. I even asked her yesterday morning "who are you to leave with?" and she told me. after school at about 4:10 when she got home she said "but they were my friends"!!! i was relieved to see and wanted to beat her at the same time. she is crazily defenseless, oblivious to any danger out there. and, let me tell you the feeling of helplessness by not being able to drive was the worst it has ever been. pastor was waiting on her and then brought her back to me. i knew better...people think i am a freak, but i knew. and now they do too!! i promise you that even after yesterday, she would leave with anyone again. that is so scary to me. yes it is a small town, but---perverts are everywhere!! even at a friend's house. i am just thankful that the parent called the school and sent her back with her daughter instead of just letting her go...gives me the heebie jeebies... So she left again today...with someone else. coming home...with someone else...and i am about to choke. except the fact that it is set up for her NOT to just be let go on the playground (which by the way i think is crazy anyway-but who am i). she is to go to the office and someone will pick her up from in there!! k, so there you have it!! panic at the disco---lol...

just rambling...

Good morning! Well cassy hasn't been gone 10 minutes and i am worried. did she get into the door (she is easily distracted)? Will she remember that our pastor's son is getting her from her room? what if she forgets? uugghhh...and she is not even my kid. that is the "Rog" totally coming out in me(my dad). worry, worry, worry. I wouldn't worry even half as much if they had been taught anything. I feel so awful that they really don't know so much that you think they should know. about life, about people, about everything. It is really heartbreaking. cassy has a giant tendency to cry ALLLLL the time over EVERYTHING!!! the other night she was crying and crying after she had just eaten a giant supper about how hungry she was and wanted a snack...i asked her what was really wrong that she could not be hungry that soon. she says "i am afraid the food will run out" "what if it all gets gone?" "i have to eat it all before it goes away". tears rolled down my cheeks as i promising her that that would never happen...EVER. it was awful. i am more patient than i ever thought i would be--but the crying is really testing me.

heaven has been on a roller coaster for days now. i almost didn't go to a friends mom's service because she was having such a bad melt-down. her mom was here for about an hour after school. just enough to bring it all up in her again. she actually went to paxton to sign all the papers for her to have counseling. it is a roller coaster every day of emotion--more so when she sees her mom. and she does not want cassy here. it's really going ok, just adjusting to anything is hard on heaven!!

my other sister is being her usual self centered nieve person. she is so mad about me having cassy. trish was trying to keep the girls close-they have only had each other constantly their whole lives. the other sister is saying things like"they think so little of us, we are good enuff to buy shoes and get a haircut but not to live with"! uughhhh...she is sooooo selfish. i can't even begin to explain her. kyle says not to let it bother me, but ignorance is irritating!! if she were even trying to be part of the family she would understand all thses kids have been thru...but there is no one in her life except the jerk, two timing, respect demanding (for nothing), controlling, stupid husband of hers. and i realize that is not Christian like-but I am frustrated with her. and i could have said way worse. i do pray that they find peace. that they can feel the grace of God. I pray that she realizes family first before something happens and she will have regrets.

aannnnyyyhoooooo.....i am finally getting my garden planted today. i am excited. i have 3 tomato plants-cherry, big boy, early girl, 2 cuke plants, seeds-beets(for mom and mom-n-law), radish, green bean, zuchini, watermelon, still getting jalapeno plants, green pepper plants, and a few other little things, oh yeah-160 onions to plant!!! been waiting forever--but getting it done!!wooohoooo.

have i mentioned that i have the worlds best hubby?(to me)....he does sooo much for us 3. never complains, never asks for anything. he really loves us so much and puts up with a lot from my family. he always has the best interest of the kids at heart.

next week, i hope to get some flowers and gett hem planted...love planting things. i could spend tons, if i had it.

i have a spring cleaning list a mile long. anyone feel like cleaning?? anyone? anyone? ok, ok, guess i will have to do it.

mandy gets baptized this Sunday so we are going to their church instead of ours. she will also be intro'd as a member. she is in college to become a nurse. she has just grown up so fast. they all are. i love her so much!

i taught candis how to loom. she loves it. made herself a hat already and think she is gonna help make hats for heaven's school...lol, is that a joke, maybe i should have waited a little while before opening my mouth. that's me tho-vomit of the mouth alll the time...

well, guess maybe i should get back to work. unfortunately the laundry and dish fairy skipped over my house last night-think she was needed somehwere else worse. lol...dang her!! oh well--we really do enjoy the business and the xtra people around. think we have decided we want seven or 8...eventually...of course that means eventually we will have to get a bigger house!! take care...have a blessed day!! ttfn....btw...i am not doing the spelling check so enjoy the typos...lol