Thursday, March 18, 2010

3 weeks ago

3 weeks ago, it happened
 3 weeks ago, tomorrow to be exact
3 weeks ago...
a piece of my heart left
i stopped setting the table for four
i stopped hearing the singing in shower
i stopped fighting about homework
i stopped getting screamed at
i stopped getting the precious letters of apology
i stopped giving words of wisdom at bedtime
i stopped tucking her in
i stopped being upset about the messy bedroom
i stopped having to repeat myself over and over and over and over
i stopped having to answer those "embarrassing" questions
i stopped hearing her giggle
i stopped being jumpy waiting for her to scare me-again
i stopped hearing her amazing singing in the truck
i stopped seeing their dance videos they made while we were gone
i stopped being able to hug her ---
wishing the pain away while doing it
i stopped being able to tease her about boys-seeing 
her cheeks turn red
i stopped being able to smell her perfume
i stopped being able to tell her 
"that is enough hairspray" every morning

i started being able to pray for her more amd more
i started to realize even more how precious time is
i had to learn the hard rule --
"if you love them, you have to let them go"
i had to learn to love from far away
i still get out 4 plates (and put one back)
i still smell her secret crush shower gel her coconut shampoo-it's still in the shower
i watch the videos of her singing and 
dancing with an ache in my heart
i wish love was enough
i wonder if she feels my love 
i wonder if she only remembers the yelling between us
i will love her for the rest of my life
i wonder - does she hear me saying "i love you schmoopy" 
on her way out the door
i pray for her more and more
3 weeks ago, it happened
 3 weeks ago, tomorrow to be exact
3 weeks ago...
a piece of my heart left


Tricia said...

Beautifully, honestly written. I will be praying for you.

Snot Head said...

Tears and tears welling up. You are a great writer. I am so sad because I can only imagine how your heart must feel. I wonder about you a lot. Thanks for giving us this insight. It was beautiful. You should have them publish this in the thing they send around for foster and adoptive parents to read. "Through the eyes of the parents" sort of thing. I love you lady! I still think you did the right thing, but I know it will hurt for awhile.

Tricia said...

Praying that God holds you close to His heart today and that He wispers His love for you in your ear.

Upside Down said...

I'm crying as I read this. I'm so glad they have you in their lives for the time they do. They will remember! Love you!