Sunday, January 18, 2009

mind wondering issues...

hey...ok my mind is just running crazy today!! well it wasn't til just a little bit ago. see i have this friend, well maybe she is still a friend, that things went very very sour and we have not talked in months. i have been thinking a lot about her, seeing her in my dreams, seeing her in town, lately seeing her name on the computer being friends with my other friends, and it makes me wonder if i should contact her? should i see how things go, give it a little more and just bust it out there? or should i wait? but wait for what? wait for more time to pass and there may not be a chance to say what i need to say, or wait til it is just not fixable? or...should i just throw my heart out there and if she rejects me, fine, but she will know where i stand, that i forgive her and that i am really not upset, mad, or even hurt in the least anymore. to tell her all kinds of things. man, i can't figure out what to say, should i shouldn't i? just running myself crazy...and my hubby...no surprise there....

today is just a thought provoking day i guess. church was awesome and it got me thinking what is my dream? what do i want to do with the gifts God gave me? What is my purpose exactly? hhmmmm...just think think think....

well, guess i will go and try to run myself crazier....

3 comments:

Snot Head said...

This reminds me of a few times in my life. It reminds me of the time I had to finally tell my dad how much he had hurt me by not being there to help raise me. It reminds me of the time I had to finally tell my roommate and one of my best friends how badly she had hurt me, though I had waited three months before saying anything, and only said something then because she approached me not being able to stand the growing ravine between us. It also reminds me that I hate confrontation because I am afraid that if I tell those close to me what I really think, they will leave my life. However, you and this woman are currently not even friends anymore. I would first suggest making a pro-con list. You need to decide if you want to talk to her to help yourself sleep at night or if you sincerely want to fix things between you. If it is sincere, I hope she will see that. The issue with my friend and I was that she had opened up to me about a time she had talked about me behind my back. I had no idea who had been spreading those rumors about me at that time, and I felt completely betrayed. I also felt like she just could not live with the guilt anymore, so I resented her appology. I would have been better off not knowing that she had stabbed me in the back. However, I think that if you are sincere, you should at least write her a letter explaining how you feel and leave it open for her to call you, e-mail you, or have coffee or something with you sometime to talk. If she never does, you know you did your part. My dad was dumbfounded when I talked to him and called him bawling, telling how much pain he had put me through. He couldn't say anything at all, but since then, he has made much more effort than he ever had previously. At least she will know where you stand, like you said, and you will have peace knowing you did your part. I don't suggest just sweeping it under the rug. That's what I tend to do, and eventually, when you are trying to vacuum, you can't ignore the monster size bump in the rug anymore. ;)

life with my three boys said...

thanks a ton snot head...

Momma B said...

You are the only one who can decide what to do here. You have been on this fence before. You will have to decide if this is something you want or if you are just wondering, because she is appearing here and there and you are curious. I hope you get it figured out soon, because self-torture is hard to live with!